Hi, this is my first time on this platform. I have some questions and would like some advice from a mental health professional (if you are here). I am very scared and nervous to do this so bare with me.
I have seen my counsellor, therapist and psychologist on numerous occasions but I am asking here because I still feel very nervous and ashamed of bringing up some things to them face to face. So I am going anonymous to try before I avoid and forget entirely about it until it blows up in my face.
I don’t think I have been properly diagnosed besides hearing numerous mentions of anxiety and depression. I do not know the actual specifics but I was given medication to deal with them. At first, it was working for a few months (8-9 months) but then I do not see any difference anymore.
Under pressure of coursework, presentations and generally anything relating to school. I started to break, the medication is not really helping me anymore. I have been procrastinating; I cannot muster the energy to even start on the project, when I felt the energy to do my work, I have to stop every 10-15 minutes before getting distracted again and not completing my part. This makes me feel so angry and guilty and ashamed and more anxious and depressed. I always think what’s the point, I am just going to fail and mess up and ruin everything and be made fun of and I should.,. anyways.
Additionally, I did not reach out for help until it got to a very late stage. I know that people should reach out to others if they need help or advice, but I struggle to do so because I feel so so afraid. I am afraid of lecturers and generally super assertive/passionate people, they scare me to the point I feel like its life or death. I either freeze up and barely say anything or respond or flee and run away from them. But running away from the people we are my best chance helping me is stupid but I cannot help it.
So that is all I am willing to share. Thank you for reading I guess.
Hi there, thank you for being brave and sharing here! It sounds like you’ve been through a lot — the process of getting help, and also now having concerns of medications being not as effective, and most of all how all these emotions and symptoms are affecting you — it’s a lot to navigate.
It is a scary experience to be vulnerable about what you’re going through. I can hear cognitively you know that you’re running from the people who are trying to help you, but it’s that emotional response that’s still really strong for you. And that’s okay! Our emotional responses are sometimes learnt from our past experiences, and even though we may logically know it’s supposed to be safe, in the moment the fear still acts up.
I’m wondering, if it’s hard in the moment to say it out loud, are there other ways to communicate about these fears and concerns to your professionals? For example, if preparing a little note before hand so that your therapist or yourself can read it through during your session?
It’s probably still going to be scary, and that’s okay! I’m not a licensed therapist, but I work with many mental health professionals, and I promise a good therapist’s job is to remain non-judgemental and provide a safe space for you. You matter and are important, and that time and space is assured to be yours — as scary and unfamiliar as that may be.
you made the right move to reach out here… your post already carries so much weight. it doesn’t look like you’re trying to be dramatic or attention-seeking. more like you’ve been holding in all these things for too long — and when you say it might blow up in your face, i hear that you already know what that explosion could look like.
you mentioned being scared to say things to your therapist or psychologist face to face — like the shame gets so loud it swallows the words before they come out. that makes sense. shame does that. it chokes things off before they can land. but the way you still wrote this out, even anonymously, maybe that part of you is still trying not to disappear entirely.
what you described about school…the pressure, the procrastination, the stop-start bursts of energy that never last, it feels like your body is already sounding alarms. the guilt and the anxiety you feel after… sounds like you’re punishing yourself before anyone else can. maybe to soften the blow. maybe to stay in control of the failure, if it comes.
and the part about lecturers or “assertive people” feeling life-or-death? yah, that feels intense. but also real. your nervous system’s not being dramatic, it’s remembering something. not necessarily a specific event, but a pattern. like authority equals danger. like passion equals explosion. that kind of wiring doesn’t just go away because someone tells you “they’re just trying to help.”
we don’t have to name everything today. you don’t even need to unpack the “i should… anyways” line unless you want to. want to just stay with this for a bit? and you’re not broken for needing safety before solutions.
so if running away feels stupid, maybe the better question isn’t “why can’t i stop?” but “what am i trying to survive when i do?” where does the fear sit in your body when you think about asking for help again?
Hi @10_CYc13s thank you so much for sharing your story here. It takes a lot of courage to open up especially when you’re feeling scared and unsure so I want to acknowledge that right away. What you’re going through sounds really hard and overwhelming and it makes total sense that you’re feeling anxious frustrated and stuck at times.
It’s really common to feel stuck in a cycle where anxiety and pressure make it hard to get started or keep going and then those feelings lead to guilt or shame. Please know that you’re not alone in feeling this way and these feelings don’t define your worth or your abilities.
It’s also completely understandable that talking face to face about certain things feels really difficult. Taking this step to share anonymously shows how much you want to find a way forward and that’s really important.
If you haven’t yet it might be helpful to share these specific worries with your therapist or counsellor when you feel ready. Sometimes therapy is a process that takes time and adjustment and being honest about what is and isn’t working can help your providers tailor the support to what you really need.
In the meantime try to be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can in a tough situation. Breaking tasks into tiny manageable steps giving yourself permission to take breaks and reminding yourself that progress is progress no matter how small might help ease some pressure.
Remember it’s okay to ask for support and take things at your own pace. You’re showing strength by reaching out here. You deserve patience, care and support.