Very Stressed and cannot sleep well

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My brother 71 years old passed away just before Christmas last year. Although stated as single in HDB record, he registered his marriage with a Vietnamese lady 30 years his junior. She left him about 8 years ago. As my brother is legally married, the Vietnamese lady can claim the flat, as he died without making any will.
I as a brother cannot even administer his estate.
I very stressed, tired and sick of the whole matter.
My biggest regret is I did forced him to make a will although I reminded many time to put his sister name in the will.
Looking back I think my brother did not how to go about making a will

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Hi @user989

Thank you for sharing your stress and struggles with us, I’m truly sorry to hear about the passing of your brother and the difficult situation you’re facing. Losing a loved one is already very challenging, and the added stress of legal matters can make it even more overwhelming. It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden, and I want you to know that your feelings are completely valid.

It’s understandable that you’re feeling stressed, tired, and sick of the entire situation. Dealing with legal matters after a loss is never easy, especially when there are complications involved. I can see that you cared for his well being very much as you carry this regret about not being able to convince your brother to make a will. I want to acknowledge that your situation is indeed difficult and complex, and it’s okay to feel tired and frustrated and at a loss.

I also want to share that it’s likely also a process of grieving for you. Grieving is a unique and personal process, and there is no right or wrong way to work around it. If you find it helpful, do consider reaching out to friends, family, or a support group to share your thoughts and emotions. I also encourage you to speak to a professional counsellor to help you to process this whole situation carefully and with the neutral perspective of a mental health professional. It might be beneficial to seek professional advice from an expert also, to better understand your options and responsibilities regarding your brother’s estate.

In the midst of these difficulties, please remember to take care of yourself. Additionally, if you’re open to it, engaging in activities that bring comfort and solace could contribute to your overall well-being during this challenging time.

If you need someone to talk to or share your feelings, we are here for you too. Please let us know how you’re coping, we’d love to support you further.

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Hi cottonsoul,
Thank you for understanding.
I consulted doctor at the polyclinic and was given medication for insomnia today(Tue 30 Jan 24 )Doctor also arranged for me to speak to MSW tomorrow Wed.
Very tough for me. Regrets, regrets.
Trying very hard to let go and get my energy back. Hope MSW can enlighten me and pull me up

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Hello @user989 happy to see that things are improving for you :slight_smile: Hope things continue to get better for you !

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Hello
Now that I know all my brother’s assets, CPF,HDB flat and cash will go to his legal wife(she left him 8 years ago), I just cannot believe and accept this.

It is very heavy on my heart and very stressed and miserable.Sleepless night, sleepless night.
Heavily regretted I did not do the will and for procrastinating.
Never expected he passed away just few days after COVID infection.
I really need help. My appointment with a mental health doctor from Polyclinic is in April.
I am retired with limited resources.
I need a therapist or psychiatrist to help me.
Please let me know where can I obtain such service.
Help me and thank you.

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Hi @user989

I’m deeply sorry for your loss and for the additional stress and burden you’re experiencing during this difficult time. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and distressed, especially when faced with unexpected circumstances like your brother’s passing and the subsequent legal matters.

Since your appointment with a mental health doctor at the Polyclinic isn’t until April, it’s important to explore other options for assistance.

There are several avenues you can explore to access therapy or psychiatric services, even with limited resources:

  1. Family Service Centre: You can walk in or call a nearby Family Service Centre that offer counseling and psychiatric services on a sliding scale fee basis or sometimes even for free. These centers often have professionals who specialize in grief counseling and can provide the support you need during this challenging time. You can find a centre near your home from here: MSF | Directories

  2. Online Counseling Services: There are online platforms that offer therapy and counseling services through video calls or messaging. Some of these platforms have options for reduced fees or financial assistance based on need. While they may not offer the same level of support as in-person therapy, they can still provide valuable support and assistance during this time. You can try out either one of these options:

Please also look through this comprehensive list of providers according to location. There are GPs, and polyclinics that provide mental health assessment and support too.
Click here - https://www.aic.sg/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/Mind-Matters-Resource-Directory-Listings.pdf

I understand that these options can seem overwhelming, so don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family members, or trusted individuals for extra support. You’re not alone in this, please know that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.

Let us know what you’ve decided on, and keep us updated on how you’re coping too. We’ll be here to support you.