You know how there was this whole movement during circuit breaker that ppl found their homes too squeezy cos everyone had to WFH and that led to many single adults moving out of their parents homes and renting their own place? I hadn’t started working yet at that point but I did have the thought that I wanted to move out and have my own space. Recently the desire to do so has become stronger, I think partly cos a bunch of friends around me are getting married and moving into their new places, and also another part that I’m feeling more friction and frustration at home.
A big barrier for me though was that I didn’t think my parents would take it well. The thing is that I’m in a pretty privileged position that space-wise I actually have my own room. Location-wise it also isn’t terribly far from my workplace, and half of my week I can WFH anyway. I’m also lucky that I get to eat nutritious home cooked food every day. Like yes, I’m appreciative of all of the “benefits” that come from living with my parents and siblings. But I also feel more and more that I need a bit more space. Not physical space, but like psychological and emotional distance?
At first I convinced myself that it wasn’t a financially prudent decision to move out cos I mean it’s not like my parents can downgrade to a smaller house with my siblings still living with them, nor will they rent out my room… But recently I feel like as a family we seem to be stressing each other out in every other conversation. Sometimes even the simplest discussion will make us lose our patience.
And I don’t really know if distance will be good or bad, but I now feel like because I love them very much, I don’t want to burden them with my emotions and maybe less face time can mean more intentional connection. Like if I’m only gonna spend X hours with them per week, maybe I’ll be a lot more mindful about managing my emotions around them, have more patience and better interactions? If we don’t get on each others nerves because of our different lifestyle habits and preferences, would we have less built up frustration that lead to lash outs we regret later?
If you stay with your parents after adulting, have you gone through a phase like that? Or if you’ve moved out of your parents homes, how has your relationship changed? And if you’re single and moved out, i.e. didn’t move out cos you got a marital home, what did you say to your parents and how did they react?
, I really appreciate your candid sharing! I can definitely relate to your current situation although my life stage was slightly different when I faced the struggle whether to move out or not.
As a homeowner now, I do feel like I can empathise with my parents more and I don’t take things like having a supply of toilet paper or a well-stocked fridge for granted. I would say, our relationship has deepened and improved!
– like forcing me to make such choice. Most normal parents clear the space for growing adult children, but this one siao. friends say ive a strong mind, and no way do i get intimidated by his ■■■■