Lately, my emotions have been constantly flaring up whenever the topic of high school comes up—especially when I’m with my parents. I feel like my emotions are all over the place; I get angry easily, cry easily, suddenly feel happy, and then cry again. Even within a single day, it’s all over the place—it depends on whether someone brings up that “sensitive topic” or not. My parents talk all the time about other people who got accepted into certain schools. And I got accepted into a school I absolutely didn’t want to go to after being rejected by four other schools. On top of that, it’s a new school, and there are so many of my elementary and middle school friends there (who I really don’t like) I just want to run away from them. I often feel ignored.) I feel heartbroken and devastated, but my parents have also gone out of their way to get me into this school. My head is spinning. I can’t join the school band I’ve always dreamed of. I’ll have to start my own. Or another option: I’ll have to take lessons outside of school. But it all comes back to the cost. I feel really bad about it toward my parents. They’ll definitely make me take academic tutoring, make me study for college, then music lessons again, art lessons again. Money will just keep flowing out. I feel bad about the financial situation. I also have other needs, like buying glasses, buying a camera (which is something I want, but it counts as a hobby since I want to join the journalism club) but since I’m in the first cohort, I have to set it up myself, and buying a bass because it’s been my dream since 8th grade to be a bassist in high school, I hope so. My heart is breaking. Oh, and speaking of my parents, they often suddenly bring up other kids like, “Oh, she is in the favorite high school,” “He got accepted into his dream college,” and stuff like that. My mom has even started asking me what college major I’m going to choose, and I’m not even in high school yet, still waiting for some school to accept me. It’s making my head spin even more,I feel like I’m losing myself. I don’t even want to draw anymore. which used to be my hobby (I’ve gotten kind of lazy, burned out). and I’ve lost the motivation to practice guitar too. That’s just how my days go: I lie in bed, watch movies, sleep, and the cycle just keeps going. I don’t even want to touch my high school coursework. I’m confused, but I don’t feel stressed. Yet I know I’m a mess right now. But I wouldn’t dare tell my parents that I’m confused or that I’m crying. Because their response would definitely be, “Be grateful,” “Your blessings are right here,” “That’s just how adult life is,” “Your wishes won’t always come true.” I know all of this, and I know the solution, but I can’t accept it. My emotions are still there even though I know what I have to do. It feels like these tears, this anger that’s choking me, aren’t over yet. Even my mom and dad have cried about where’s my future high school at, which just makes me even more confused, now i’m more afraid of what’s coming next to me. I’m more lost about what major to choose for college, I’m more lost about what my talents are. I’m more lost about what I actually like. I know I’m still a kid, I still belong to them. I still love them, and I respect them, but this disappointment doesn’t just go away that easily. Every time I hear a lecture about school or the future, I feel like getting angry. I just stay quiet, even my heart is actually aching. Or am i just a selfish daughter?
Hi, it sounds like you are going through a lot. It is definitely difficult to face so much of pain especially you want to go to the school that you wanted (but you didn’t get). Sometimes, crying will be a great way to reduce your pent-up emotions .
From the way you described, seem like your parents’ words trigger you. Have you tried to ask them to avoid talking about how others are doing? If so, does it help?
You also mentioned that watching movies help you. You deserve to be love and supported. Is there anything else that you can do to help yourself feel better?
Hey @capablebee6663,
Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of heavy emotions on your own recently. 
You ended your post by asking if you’re being a selfish daughter, and I wanted to start there.
Honestly, that’s not the impression I got at all. Rather, I’m hearing how you’ve been feeling disappointed, confused, guilty, and heartbroken about how things have turned out, while also worrying about how your parents feel and how much they’ve done to support you. I can imagine how confusing and difficult it can be to hold both of those feelings at once.
Feeling upset and disappointed about how things turned out doesn’t make you selfish or ungrateful. Reading through your post, I hear how appreciative you are of everything your parents have done for you, and how you care deeply about not wanting to burden them. At the same time, you’re also grieving something that mattered a lot to you, and those two things don’t cancel each other out. They can co-exist.
I also get the sense that the disappointment you’re feeling isn’t just about not getting into the school you wanted, but perhaps also about the opportunities you imagined, the band you dreamed of joining, and the version of high school that you had maybe envisioned for yourself. The loss of these things can feel like a lot to grapple with all at once.
I also wonder if part of what makes this so overwhelming is that you’re still trying to come to terms with what has happened, while many of the conversations around you seem to have already moved on to the next stage (like your college major and what comes next). Is that something you can relate to?
I’m curious about something too. When you think about high school, what feels like the biggest loss right now? Is it the school itself, the opportunities you feel like you’ve missed out on, everything I mentioned, or something else completely?
For now, I wonder if it’s okay not to rush yourself into feeling better or to accept everything immediately. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re still in the midst of making sense of a disappointment that matters a lot to you. That kind of disappointment can hurt a lot, precisely because those things mattered so much to begin with.
Sometimes, our emotions don’t disappear just because we logically know what to do next. Can I gently encourage you to give yourself grace and the space to feel and process your emotions? Our community is here to listen and support you through this time. 
I imagined myself as a better version in high school. But yeah, i got stressed because my parents already pushed me for academics, chasing college, even the school year hasn’t started yet. I lost myself, im tired. Beginning of my high school already overwhelmed me so much. It feels like, im only study and study for achieving college? I don’t even got interested in my drawing or musical hobbies lately. And i know i must reduce of media social using because yknow.. There’s bunch of info about future or someone else’s achievement that makes me more sick of myself, im scared of future.
I didn’t ask them for stopping talk about that topic.. But i always didn’t respond because i don’t want to. But I’ll try distracting myself about this, maybe it’ll work