What Should I do now? Return to my previous therapist?

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
1

Hi there,

I have just ended things with my (2nd) therapist whom I see her for about 5 sessions since July till now. I feel upset because I am back to square one again and I feel like i am being abandon again. She is aware that I have attachment struggles, She is able to listen to me well however the past 5 sessions it made me feel like i am talking to a friend.

She doesn’t really provide practical directions or solutions for me when I am finding an issue. I brought up my concerns to her, told me that we can discuss over our session but every session i went in is just more of me talking and sharing giving update what’s happening lately. Recently she initiated to meet my mom and escalated quickly to by suggesting my mom to join me in for the next sessions (prior to that she is aware i had tension with my mom 2 days ago) so I was quite taken aback when she suggest this she didn’t think it through if my emotional state will be ok.

And after i voice out she say it will be unethical for her to continue session when she dont meet my requirements. Now I am so exhausted, trying so hard to help myself yet the therapy journey I experience isnt smooth sailing i wondering am i not suitable for therapy.

I am not sure whether to head back to my previous therapist whom i worked with for 10 sessions, previously before we close the case she did say if i ever go back to her i will have t ofollow her pacing and she will not say the things i want to hear. I know it hard to find a therapist who can give you emotional assurance and same time provide solutions.

Right now, I dont think i will want to look for new therapist again to talk all over again. It’s mentally draining. My friend suggest me to put a pause as if I were to go back to my previous therapist my friend is worried that what she says i might not be able to take it because my emotions are sensitive right now.

Would love to hear an advice ~ I am open to go back to previous therapist yet scared at the same time. I know I needed help and I know at the end of day I will have to handle my emotions alone..

2

Hi @reassuredturnip9.

It sounds like you’ve been putting in a lot of effort to get support, and it’s completely understandable to feel exhausted and discouraged after this experience. Ending things with a second therapist, especially when you already struggle with attachment is hard.

I would say that therapist-client fit matters enormously, and it often takes a few tries. The fact that you were able to identify what wasn’t working and voice it to your therapist actually shows a lot of self-awareness.

On going back to your previous therapist, your friend raises a fair point about timing. If your emotions are still quite raw right now, it might be worth giving yourself a short window (eg, a week or two) to stabilise a little before making that decision. That said, your previous therapist being upfront about her approach, even if it felt like a warning, could actually be a sign of honesty and clarity, which are good things in a therapeutic relationship. “Not saying what you want to hear” doesn’t mean its bad, sometimes that’s where real growth happens.

Another thing worth keeping in mind is that going back to your previous therapist means you don’t actually have to start from scratch. She already knows your background, which removes a significant part of what makes beginning again so draining.

If you do decide to return to your previous therapist, it might help to go in with a clear sense of what you’re hoping to work on, so the sessions feel more purposeful to you.

Good luck!