I don’t know how this works. I don’t really know how to express my thoughts and feelings but I need a space to just pour it out. All my life I feel like I’m stuck in a place where I find myself struggling to keep afloat. I feel like people tend to disregard or not care about me because I look “ok” or “unbothered”. but I don’t blame them because I tend to be quiet and pull myself away when I don’t feel like myself. I struggled a lot growing up and went through things that I’m not exactly proud of and I don’t speak to anyone about it and kinda heal myself along the way. But it makes me think that maybe I’m just feeling numb.
One thing that use to make me happy is taking photos. I use to do photography as a hobby but now I do it as a side hustle. Well now, it used to be what I love. but now I don’t find passion in it anymore and it upsets me because that’s all I know… And to let go of that hurts because what am I supposed to do now. Everyone asked me what do i want to do actually. I don’t have an answer for that. They kept saying “it’s okay you’re young, you will figure it out”.
I’m actually studying psychology major as a part time. I took it up because i thought why not? It’s interesting and it’s free therapy. Funny isn’t it? How can I try to learn and understand the mind of others when I’m just as lost to understand myself.
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Hi @bluemoon
I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings with us here. It takes a lot of courage to open up, especially when it feels like you’ve been navigating through a challenging journey alone. I can see that you’ve faced difficult moments in your life and carried burdens silently on your own, and I can imagine how disheartening it can feel sometimes.
I’m sorry to hear that the joy you once found in photography has faded, and I can understand how discouraging that must be. It seems like there’s a struggle to find your passion and purpose, compounded by the complexity of your own experiences. It’s perfectly okay not to have all the answers right now.
Given your interest in psychology, it’s intriguing how you’re drawn to understanding the minds of others while grappling with your own uncertainties. It’s actually pretty common for those studying psychology to use it as a way to explore and make sense of their own experiences! 
Have you found any aspects of your psychology studies particularly resonant or helpful in your personal journey?
Have you also found anything else in your life that you’re interested in? It might be things like animals, or cooking, or even hiking - anything! From there, you could take time to explore the interest and work on it bit by bit! Photography is a beautiful art, and you can even combine photography with your interest! For example, photography + if you have a passion for the elderly folks, you can volunteer to take photographs at events for them!
There are really so many ways it could go, don’t give up yet!
Last but not least, I would like to encourage you that sometimes it’s okay for our interests to change - we go through different seasons in life, and we experience and expect different things in these seasons, so take heart! It’s a common occurance Stay strong and keep us updated about yourself!
We’re here to journey with you.
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Hello @bluemoon !
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us here, it takes a lot of courage to share your personal experience here, and I respect your vulnerability in doing so. I can only imagine how lonely it is to feel uncared for by others and to have to tide through your difficulties and struggles alone, because of your tendencies that may not reflect your desire for support at times 
Additionally, it’s completely understandable if you feel powerless or lost about losing passion for an activity that has journeyed with you as a source of happiness in the past. It is really difficult to reconcile the possibility of losing interest in something that used to be meaningful for you, on top of the pressure (from the self and others) to navigate the uncertainty in the future. I can only imagine how demoralizing it can get to have to grapple with uncertainty and redefine photography concurrently 
It can be frustrating how long and difficult the process of understanding yourself and self-discovery can be, especially when sometimes it would seem much easier to have a silver bullet to all the problems 
I’m sorry that you have been struggling for quite some time now, I’m wondering if the following resources may help:
- emotional support
- Self-discovery/self-awareness:
- Wysa chatbot
- counselling/therapy (contrary to popular belief, counselling is not only for those with mental health concerns, but also those who want to understand themselves!)
You are very resilient for trying your best to keep going despite everything, and I hope that you’ll eventually find a safe space to understand yourself and express yourself comfortably! All the best! 