I’ve recently gotten my phone back from my parents and I thought, maybe they trust me again, maybe I can finally feel like I have some sense of freedom, yet I’ve quickly realized, they only returned me my phone just because they wanted to have another way to control me. They are constantly breathing down my neck and just making me feel like I’m not enough for them. Whne they compliment me, it feels very backhanded and when they have never seen me as good as my older brother, who we shall call, C. C is everything you can imagine a golden child would be. C could play sports, play musical instruments and was a good student in school and a prefect. You may even thing that the diffference in treatment would be subtle, yet it was quite the opposite. C was allowed to go out for long periods ( morning-night at about 9-10 plus), was allowed to call his friends just to play games with them afterschool and even into the night, allowed to have a girlfriend, allowed to plan his own study sessions, and such. Yet, when it comes to me, I am not allowed to call my friends, go out for long periods and at night, and my every move is watched, monitor, and planned out by my dad. I just feel so much pressure and the school year has barely started. My dad also tends to empathise with C when he has any problems or feel stressed but with me, my dad refused to let me relaxed when I’m stressed, and tells me that I’m just jealous of everyone else. He also calls me stupid. I feel like I’m not enough for him no matter how hard I try. But when this boy, let’s call him W, came into my life, he made everything seem okay whenver I’m with him, he treats me with gentleness, kindness and just makes me feel so comforted and calm, and most importantly, he makes me feel enough and I love him but I don’t know what to do anymore when my dad treats me like the black sheep and treats C so much better. He’s reasoning for this is because C deserves it and I don’t, yet i’ve always tried my best. Would everything just be okay if I just took a leap? My life seems to be going no where anyways.
hello
It seems like you are feeling very underappreciated by your parents for your efforts. So sorry to hear that 
It must be so stressful having your freedom restricted by your dad whilst your brother seems to be able to do what he mostly wants.
Yes, C seems like he is perfect, but you are just as perfect and loved. Although as quoted from your dad, “C deserves it”, I beg to differ.
You deserve love from all. You are precious okiee 
although it is hard, I want you to try and love yourself more and take care of yourself. Whenever I feel alone and sometimes even self-sabotage myself, I picture a younger me sitting infront of me. You might naturally feel inclined to take care and love your younger self right?
That is how I heal. Be nice to yourself and when your self esteem is increased, you will realise that you don’t need your dad’s validation much more 
Anyways please don’t leap okiee, there are many people who appreciate your existence and hope that you deserve the best
Hi @annoynimous,
Thank you for opening up about your situation—it sounds like you’re feeling a lot of pain and frustration, especially with the way your father treats you compared to your older brother. The pressure of trying to meet your father’s expectations, feeling constantly monitored, and hearing hurtful comments like being called “stupid” is incredibly tough, and I can imagine how emotionally draining it must be to feel like you’re never enough no matter what you do.
It’s also completely understandable that you would find comfort in your relationship with W, especially when he offers you kindness, gentleness, and the reassurance that you are enough. It sounds like W helps provide some relief in your life, which is so important when you’re feeling this much pressure at home.
You’ve mentioned feeling like your life is going nowhere and that everything might be better if you “took a leap.” I want to acknowledge that these feelings of hopelessness are valid and should not be dismissed. But I also want to gently encourage you to consider the bigger picture: It’s okay to feel lost, but it doesn’t mean that taking drastic steps is the only answer. There is still space for you to find your way, even if it feels hard to see right now. Sometimes, the weight of family expectations can make everything feel so much heavier, and it can be hard to see the possibility for things to change or get better.
You are not alone in feeling caught between your family’s expectations and your own desire for freedom and self-worth. Have you thought about talking with someone—like a counsellor—who might be able to provide an outside perspective on how to navigate these emotions and pressures from home? You don’t have to go through this alone.
As for your relationship with W, it’s important to take time to reflect on what this relationship means to you and how it can support you in a healthy way. Relationships are important, but your sense of self-worth shouldn’t be entirely dependent on one person. You are already enough, just as you are.
Small steps forward, even in times of doubt, can help you regain a sense of control over your life. Start by acknowledging your feelings—feeling like you’re not enough is painful, but it’s something you can work through with the right support and strategies. You’re doing your best, and that’s something that deserves recognition, especially when things are this challenging.
You are worthy of love, kindness, and respect, just like anyone else, and you’re allowed to have your own space to grow and thrive, outside of any comparisons to your brother. Keep holding on to the strength you already have, and reach out for the support that can guide you through these emotions. It may not seem like it now, but you have a future ahead of you, and you’re allowed to build it in a way that aligns with who you are.