For a heads up, everyone is from the same work project that I am in. I find it demotivating to go to this project nowadays beacause of what happened.
Backstory, me and this person (A) was “talking” and since they are in the same friendgroup, we have friends setting us up together. The reason why I was hesitant was because A is emotionally unavailable to begin with. I think the actual things started going down hill was when A decided to bring my friend (B) who was drunk at the time over to their private space. Nothing happened but I felt uncomfortable because clearly B knew about everything beforehand. During an event, Awould try to sit me down constantly to talk but i chose to walk away because I was drained. BUT when I actually decided to sit A down to talk, they denied that everything ever happened. Mind you, A was the one who asked me to hangout 1-1, listened to all the songs on my playlist and just a lot of questionable stuff. And yes after all that we tried to stay as friends but it didn’t work out.
Now I feel the friends around are blaming me choosing myself instead of being disrespected and this one friend (C) that I am closest to has constantly kept flirting around with A even when I told them countless times I was uncomfortable. B and C would constantly “flirt” with A when during that situationship and after (aka now). They would choose to hang out with A than with me who they considered as close friends. And since I am working with multiple projects with C, I can’t just ignore them. I
My friends outside of work has been telling me that B and C is just a really bad friend that I should distance myself from. I just feel really bad because I already knew that A was someone that is a red flag and yet everyone tried to set me and them up, and when things went sour, It became my fault for choosing to break the cycle of uncertainty.
I joined this work project to build my career and yet I just feel demotivated and drained from all these people problems.
People arent loyal if there’s no label to it. It has always been like this. Fooled once then let it be a lesson n move on. They are allowed to do what they want to do but you shouldnt consider them as frens or anything more than that since u r treated that way. Its unfortunate that u cant just leave n have to finish the project w them
Hi @user1394, thank you for sharing that, it sounds incredibly exhausting and hurtful, especially when the line between your personal and work life is so blurred.
From what you’ve said, you were placed in an unfair situation. You were pressured into a situationship with someone emotionally unavailable (A), made to feel guilty for setting boundaries, and left to deal with disrespect from friends (B and C) who ignored your feelings even after you expressed discomfort. That’s a lot for anyone to carry.
It’s valid to feel drained. You were honest about your needs and tried to preserve your peace, but others made it about themselves. That doesn’t mean you were wrong, in fact, it shows strength that you chose to walk away from something unclear and harmful.
It may help to keep some emotional distance from these coworkers while focusing on your goals and surrounding yourself (outside of work) with people who truly respect and hear you. You deserve to work in peace without feeling emotionally manipulated or guilted into staying in toxic dynamics.
You’re not overreacting and your boundaries are valid .
Thank you for writing in to share what you are going through at work. Understandably it is an uncomfortable situation as you feel disrespected and your needs are being minimised. It’s only human to feel conflicted in the awkward situation you are in.
Please know that you are not to be blamed as you did what you believed was right at that time. It is also evident that once you analysed that what was happening at work, you chose to walk away; this takes courage.
As what @CharmingAnt has suggested, keep to boundaries at work to minimise any further distress or hurt to yourself. Reach out to trusted friends outside of the current work who respect and care for you unconditionally. You fully deserve this respect and peace of mind.
Hello @user1394 thank you for opening up and sharing this. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling drained and demotivated right now. You came into this work project with the intention of building your career, growing your skills, and focusing on your future. Instead, you’ve found yourself pulled into an emotionally complicated and exhausting situation that has blurred the line between personal boundaries and professional focus. What you went through with A sounds deeply frustrating and confusing. It’s especially hurtful when someone sends you mixed signals, shows interest through personal gestures like listening to your playlist or asking to hang out one-on-one, and then turns around to deny that anything ever happened. That kind of emotional reversal is not only invalidating, but also unfair to you. The fact that you chose to walk away and protect your emotional wellbeing was a strong and healthy decision, not something to be blamed for.
It’s even more painful when the people around you, especially B and C, who you considered close friends, continue to cross boundaries after you’ve clearly communicated your discomfort. That’s not on you. That’s a reflection of their choices and disregard for how their actions affect you. Feeling excluded or replaced, especially in a space where you’re supposed to feel supported, can be incredibly isolating. It makes sense that you’re finding it hard to stay motivated, especially when your emotional energy is being drained by people who should be in your corner. Your outside friends are probably right to point out that B and C may not be acting in your best interest. It doesn’t mean you have to cut them off immediately or cause drama, but it might mean protecting your space and energy from now on, even in subtle ways.
You are not wrong for choosing yourself. You are not weak or selfish for stepping back from a confusing and unhealthy dynamic. In fact, that shows emotional maturity. The people who care about you and truly respect you won’t make you feel bad for setting those boundaries. It’s okay to grieve what you thought these friendships were, and it’s okay to feel disappointed that your work project became a source of emotional stress. You are not alone, and you are allowed to prioritize your own wellbeing, even if that means quietly shifting away from people who don’t show you the same respect in return.
Thank you for sharing something so difficult and emotionally heavy, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It takes a lot of strength to choose yourself in a situation where you felt disrespected and unsupported, and even more strength to keep showing up to a project surrounded by people who have made things harder for you. It is completely understandable to feel drained and demotivated, especially when it feels like your boundaries were ignored and your emotions dismissed. Please remember that choosing your well-being is never something to feel guilty about. You are not at fault for walking away from something that no longer felt safe or right for you. It’s okay to grieve the friendship and the trust you thought you had, and it’s also okay to create some space to protect your peace. You deserve to be surrounded by people who respect your feelings and stand by you without question:)
It really sounds like you’ve been put in a deeply unfair and emotionally draining situation. You joined this project to grow your career, yet instead of feeling supported and your friends don’t seem to take your feelings and boundaries seriously. That’s very conflicting, and it’s valid to feel demotivated.
What you went through with A was already complicated enough. Choosing to walk away from that wasn’t weakness; it was protecting your peace and your well-being. That takes a lot of strength, especially when the pressure from the people around you wanting the relationship to work out and making it feel like you’re in the wrong afterwards.
B and C’s actions say more about their lack of respect and immaturity than about you. True friends don’t make you feel like your feelings are a burden or that you have to compete for basic respect. In my opinion, you’re right that this isn’t healthy, and your outside friends are right to encourage some distance.
You’re not wrong for protecting your peace and setting your own boundaries. It’s okay to keep things professional, step back from the drama, and save your energy for people who truly respect and value you. You deserve a work environment where you can focus on your goals without feeling weighed down by other people’s choices. You are not alone in this.
Thank you for sharing your story, and i am truly sorry to learn that your relationships with those 3 people became what it is now.
You mentioned that you joined this work project to build your career, so i would suggest that you treat A, B and C as just regular project members. Since you ended things with A (you mentioned A is a “red flag”), while B and C are siding with A, just let them be.
I encourage you to try your best to separate career and personal matters into different baskets. When the 2 work in synergy, wonderful things can happen. However, in your case, since those 2 things are in conflict, you should try to remain neutral when working as a member of the project team. We tend to take on multiple different roles (or “hats”) in life, and each role will have a list of responsibilities and to-dos (sometimes these may cause conflict and we must focus on what are expected of the role we are currently taking on).
I encourage you to try and focus on your role as a project team member. Take this opportunity as a practical lesson, as this will likely come in useful in the future. All the best to you!
.
