been feeling this way ever since a particular incident. basically, a friend cheated and blamed it on me. i dont trust people these days as they always dissapoint. i have very few friends which im glad about. due to the mistrust, i dont rlly get along well daily and i feel really overwhelmed and stressed. am i doing this right?
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Hello @shaf thank you for sharing! Why did your friend blame you and what are some examples of things which have been overwhelming you? 
Do share here if you are comfortable so that we can better understand your situation 
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Heyy thanks for sharing man!
friends are bound to go through tough times as we grow up~ completely reasonable if it’s affecting you negatively 
What abt the incident that overwhelmed you?
I came to realise myself, that any argument when clarified with the other party calmly and genuinely makes the situation better!! Of cos that is heavily dependent on whether the other party has intentions to address the incident as well ><
Regardless of that, want you to know that you’re supported here okie! You may have few friends, but you’re not alone here! Things will get better with time
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Dear @shaf
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. It is very hurtful when we are blamed for something we didn’t do, and it hurts even more when a friend contributes to that hurt. I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It’s understandable to feel hurt and mistrustful after being unfairly blamed, especially by a friend.
In this sense, your body is doing the right thing by withdrawing to protect you from similar hurt. However, withdrawing may not be a helpful strategy in the long run. While it might temporarily numb the pain, it can also prevent you from enjoying good-quality friendships in the future.
Instead of falling into the “all or nothing” thinking trap—where you either trust fully or don’t trust at all—consider finding a middle ground. Allow trust to be built gradually over time. Learn from this experience as valuable feedback and use it to improve how you navigate friendships and trust.
Here are a few thoughts that might help:
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Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s important to recognise that your feelings of hurt, mistrust, and stress are valid. You’ve been through a difficult experience, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. Practice self-compassion and kindness to yourself.
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Reflect on the Incident: Sometimes, looking back at what happened can help you understand your feelings better. Consider writing in a journal to explore this further. Here are some prompts to get you started:
- Describe the incident where my friend blamed me for cheating. What exactly happened? How did I feel during and after the event?
- What emotions did I feel when my friend blamed me for cheating? How have these emotions influenced my ability to trust others? How have they affected my relationships with other friends? You may want to use a feelings wheel to help you name all the emotions.
- What lessons have I learned from the experience of being blamed for cheating? How can these lessons help me in future relationships? What can I do differently to protect myself while still being open to trusting others?
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Take Small Steps Towards Trust: It’s okay to take your time in trusting people again. Start with small acts of trust with those you feel comfortable with. Trust is built over time, and it’s perfectly fine to be cautious. Here are two actionable steps to help:
- Start with Low-Stakes Situations: Engage in small, low-risk interactions where you can practice trust without feeling too vulnerable. For example, you could ask a classmate to share notes or a friend to help with a simple task. These situations can help you build confidence in trusting others gradually.
- Set Boundaries and Communicate: Clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations in relationships. Let people know what you need to feel comfortable and secure. This could be as simple as telling a friend, “I prefer to keep our plans flexible,” or “I need some time to open up about personal things.” Setting boundaries helps you feel more in control and safe, making it easier to trust others over time.
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Communicate: If you feel comfortable, talk to your current friends about your feelings. Let them know why you might be a bit guarded. Good friends will understand and support you.
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Self-Care: Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Engage in activities that you enjoy and that help you relax. This can help reduce stress and make you feel more balanced.
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Seek Support: Sometimes, talking to a counsellor or a trusted adult can provide additional support. They can offer strategies to cope with stress and rebuild trust.
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Focus on Positive Relationships: Spend time with the friends who make you feel good and valued. Positive interactions can slowly help rebuild your trust in others.
It’s okay to have a small circle of friends. Quality is more important than quantity. As they say sometimes some people are like elevators: they lift us up, and some bring us down. We get to choose wisely who we will ride with and sometimes we need to let some people off the elevator to make room for new people to come in.
I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! 
Take care,
CoolBreeze =)
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its not rlly i was blamed its more i was used as a lie to some other people in our circle. was due to the fact, i expressed my opinion that cheating is not a mistake to the X and him.
i dont rlly feel its about trust its more that i feel so overly dissapointed when someone isnt like me. for example, id buy food for you if youre busy. but if i was busy, id love to have someone to do the same for me. not saying that my previous grp of friends did, they werent rlly good friends after all. i guess after this incident, i feel i want more than what my previous circle of friends offered.
however, the more i look the more dissapointed i am and this makes me really overwhelmed. although there are certain people that would do that, i dont know why i choose to not want them and always feel that there are ulterior motives.
but i will try thanks!
Hi @shaf,
Thank you for explaining further and correcting my misunderstandings. I appreciate the chance to learn from your feedback. I’m sorry to hear about the disappointment you’ve experienced. Feeling disappointed when others don’t meet our expectations is understandable, especially when we hold ourselves to similar standards of kindness and consideration.
It’s natural to want more meaningful connections and support from our friendships. It sounds like you’re reflecting on what you truly value in relationships and recognising that your previous circle of friends may not have fulfilled those needs. However, it’s also understandable to feel apprehensive about trusting new people, especially when past experiences have left you feeling let down.
While we can’t control other people’s actions, we have power over our own reactions and the choices we make. Here are three small actionable steps you can consider:
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Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you’re comfortable with in relationships and communicate these boundaries to others. This can help protect your well-being and ensure that your needs are respected.
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Practice Acceptance: Cultivate acceptance of both yourself and others, recognising that everyone has their own journey and perspective. This can help alleviate disappointment and foster understanding in your interactions.
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Use Clarifying Questions: When navigating relationships, ask clarifying questions to better understand others’ intentions and motivations. This can help build trust and clarity, guiding you towards healthier connections.
Trust that by making conscious choices aligned with your values, you’ll attract the connections that genuinely uplift and support you. Thanks for being open to these suggestions and giving them a try. Your willingness to explore and grow is commendable, and we’re here to support you if you need a listening ear.
Take care,
CoolBreeze =)
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