The life of a regular person, to live n whatnot seem very far from me. I never know what to say in a conversation. If we even make it past “hello”.
There was a point of time where conversation came easier, and I hate to be cliche but I really felt more alive back then… but I won’t describe it I’m not good at that anyway
What others say about themselves unable to socialize or are unloved, they eventually get acquainted with people who actively care for them and interact with them. Something so unachievable for me it’s becoming quite comical
Am I cooked? In most stories of others they find people who “click” with them. Is there a grade to the people who claim to be unsociable? Am I simply more cooked?
Socialising is very difficult for ppl like us where it doesnt come naturally to us. Wat i did was research a lot, then trial and error. Threw myself out there. Rest n repeat
Thank you for writing in and sharing how you are feeling about your experiences. I want to acknowledge your struggles on how tough you are finding it to make conversations and connections. I hear your question about why what comes naturally to others— conversation and connection—just doesn’t work the same way for you. Please know It doesn’t make you any less worthy of those connections. Life sometimes shifts in ways we don’t expect, and it’s easy to look at others and think they have it figured out, but everyone has their own struggles, even if they’re hidden.
You mentioned that there was a time when it felt easier to converse and feel more alive. That’s a beautiful thing to remember, because it means that part of you is still there, capable of coming back. Life moves in phases, and while it might seem difficult now, things can shift again, especially when we least expect it.
The truth is, there’s no one “grade” for how sociable or connected a person is. What you’re feeling now is just one chapter, not the whole book. There are so many paths to connection, and you deserve to find your way back to a place where you feel seen and heard, on your own terms. Sometimes, the people who “click” with us come in unexpected ways, and even though it feels distant, that possibility is still there.
You’re not alone in this, and things are still unfolding, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. You’re worthy of love and friendship, and the journey might just take a little time. It’s okay to feel where you’re at—just don’t give up on yourself.
Hey @raw_meat , I don’t think you’re “cooked” or beyond hope. Socialising isn’t always easy, and for some, it takes more time or different approaches to find people they truly connect with. Some people naturally fall into friendships, while others have to navigate it more intentionally. It doesn’t make you any less worthy of connection.
I’m not the best at conversation either, but something that helps me is focusing on the other person’s emotions rather than feeling pressured to come up with new questions. Instead of stressing about keeping the conversation going, I try asking things like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What was that experience like for you?”.
It keeps the flow going without needing to think of something brand new to say. And honestly, taking the pressure off yourself can sometimes make conversations feel less forced.
It’s okay if it doesn’t come naturally right now. The way you feel about connection now doesn’t mean it will always be this way. It’s not about ranking how “unsociable” someone is—everyone’s social journey is different. Maybe you just haven’t met the right people yet, or maybe you’re in a phase where connection feels harder. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible for you.
Perhaps, for a start, you can try chatting around this forum as a test bed for improving your socialising skills!
I get this!! Conversations don’t come naturally to me either. I have to plan most of them. Not in a rigid script kind of way, but I mentally rehear se possible directions, topics, even fallback questions in case things get awkward. And with enough planning, I get by. But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel that gap, that effort, that sense that other people seem to just flow while I have to prepare.
You’re not “cooked”. Maybe it’s about finding different settings, different rhythms of interaction, or even just leaning into the fact that you might not be a talker, and that’s okay.
Do you feel drained by conversations, or is it more the difficulty of getting past the small talk that wears you down?
My daily sensations include feeling hollow and having no thoughts at all, making any back and forth conversation end when I can’t think of any more questions or something engaging to make them go haha before it fades out into awkward silence.
Frankly I think I’m stressing too much about something meant to be simple. I do resonate more with the “listener” kind of person than a talker, but ig I either talk too much (evident on this platform) or don’t give those vibes. Not sure though, except for the fact that if I don’t reach out then I’ll never talk to anyone since no one talks to me (not even my friends) and I’ve had a friend tell me I was boring before.
I say the words “I” and “me” too much that it feels selfish(?) to be like that. Sometimes I annoy myself lol
hello @raw_meat ! It’s never easy to socialise and it does take time and courage to be able to do this. As weird or funny as it sounds, it does take some practice . I personally think it’s normal and you’re not cooked for sure
actually saying “I” and “me” are good ways to converse I feel. at least you’re being truthful in sharing things from your perspective and that authenticity helps keep conversations going. I’m also the “listener” type of person - especially during lunchtime convos. We just need to find more “talkers” to go hang out with so we can just keep quiet and listen haha
Conversations don’t come naturally to me either. I have to plan most of them. Not in a rigid script kind of way, but I mentally rehear se possible directions, topics, even fallback questions in case things get awkward. And with enough planning, I get by. But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel that gap, that effort, that sense that other people seem to just flow while I have to prepare.