Am I in the wrong?

Ask a Therapist Mental Health Conditions
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I am 23F, who just graduated from University. I used to work as a manager in a local company but I quit in a month due to experiencing body shaming in my workplace. Soon my uni offers me a job as a teaching assistant, I don’t really hate the idea of teaching so I agree. But soon they nag me into taking a masters in order to be able to teach a proper class. Sadly it’s a must, and I can’t choose what I learn either due to a shortage of teachers.

I started my masters 2 weeks ago, and I have never felt so drained and out of it. I spent 12 hours stat, no eating no drinking no sleeping just to finished the assignments and even so i still got low grades. Where if my grades hit a certain point they will kicked me out immediately. I have terrible anxiety and mindset where if i submit less than stellar works, then i’m just trash

On top of masters, I work as a lab coordinator where i have to make modules and teach new students. And recently my boss see that im not doing anything that’s involving administration job and task me to contact 50+ missing students to confirm whether they are still continuing study or no.

I’m so overwhelmed

I thought I could try to do those task during weekends, yet I don’t have the energy. I rot in bed, not caring to eat or drink, I told myself if i just die from bad habits I can at least die without making it a huge deal.

I told myself mom about my thoughts, and she said im too soft, i keep whining about stuffs when I’m the one who wants to pursue for masters.

She told me, if i want to be a trash to society then just lock myself in my room and rot in bed. Since she never expected me to financially supported them anyway.

I feel isolated, i feel so tired? I just wish i can suddenly die or something so I don’t have to feel i let them down.

Am I wrong to just give up on life?

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Dear @lowlyones

Thank you for reaching out. What you are going through sounds exhausting and overwhelming. Unfortunately, when you tried to open up you were judged harshly. Understandably you feel alone, unsupported and overwhelmed.

I do not think that you are “weak” or “soft.” In fact I sense that you are dealing with too much at once, including a demanding master’s, teaching, admin work, and pressure to be perfect, all while running on almost no rest. Anyone would struggle in that situation.

I believe those thoughts about wanting to disappear are indicative that your body is under a lot of stress and pressure. May I gently point out they are signalling for you to take corrective action to reduce pain and pressure.

You’re only human for feeling this way so do be kind to yourself. May I gently offer a reframe that what is happening right now is temporary overload, not your whole future.

For now, please focus on just getting through today by taking control of important areas such as nourishment and fitting in small rest periods.

I also encourage you to see a university counsellor soon to get some much needed support. However if you need immediate assistance please reach out to the counsellors at the national mindline at 1771 or the SOS hotline at 1767. Both hotlines operate 24/7.

Please know that your life is deeply precious and you matter. Prioritise your wellbeing always. There is support available so you are not alone. Reach out soon for much deserved help and understanding as you navigate this difficult period. :yellow_heart: