Am I just lazy or do I need help?

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
1

I feel like I’m stuck. I used to do sooo well when I was younger in school. But as I grew older, I feel like I am stuck in my own head. I have so many things I want to accomplish, but I can’t seem to get started on them. Maybe it’s me feeling scared I will fail. But even daily things, like cooking, cleaning, showering can feel like such a difficult thing to do. Some days I sit on the couch and think about doing all that I want or need to do but I can’t seem to get up. Worse thing is I can’t even explain this feeling to my husband. Example, I’ve been wanting to start a business, and work on my hobbies, and He is always telling me to just do it. And I know exactly what needs to be done but why can’t I? Sometimes, I can hear my brain thinking of 10 million things. And I want to do them all. but in the end I just enter a freeze state and nothing gets done, and I just feel horrible. Sometimes, I start and I get into a flow state, and hyper fixate until I forget to eat or drink, or even hold my pee in until I can’t take it because I feel like if I stop I would lose it again.

But I am a mom, And I need to be able to do things in small chunks of time here and there. And ever since I became a mom I realised that I have the emotional and mental resilience of a twig. I meltdown over every little thing. Especially when my toddler is screaming and crying, I always end up crying too. And everything now just seems so much harder, like I have so much more mental load but I feel nobody seems to understand how I feel. Am I just a lazy or do I need help?

2

Hello @rootedwhale3355 ! Thank you for taking the time to reach out and share what’s on your mind.

What you’re describing doesn’t sound like laziness at all. Laziness is a choice and what you’re going through sounds much more like something that’s happening to you.

The pattern you’re describing, the freeze state despite knowing exactly what to do, the racing thoughts, the hyperfocus where you lose track of time and basic needs, the emotional overwhelm is a recognisable one. Many women go undiagnosed with things like ADHD well into adulthood because school structure can mask a lot. It’s often only when life demands pile up, like running a household and raising a toddler, that it becomes impossible to ignore.

I can’t tell you what’s going on, but I can say it’s worth exploring with a professional. Approaching a GP, psychologist, or psychiatrist. You deserve an actual answer, not just to keep wondering if something is wrong with you.

You’re not broken. You’re someone who might benefit from a little more support and understanding, including from yourself.

If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, please reach out to National Mindline at 1771 via call or WhatsApp 6669 1771. They’re there to listen without judgement. You can also explore resources and tools at mindline.sg at your own pace. There’s a lot there that might help you gently find your way through what you’re feeling.