hi,
mostly just here to vent right now, and also seek advice?
i think i’ve been so anxious nowadays to the point where it’s actually been haunting me in my sleep daily. since i was 10, i’ve had sleep paralysis once in a while. but as i’ve grown, i have been getting it way more. i’m now 21, and not only do i get sleep paralysis, but if i don’t open my eyes just so i don’t see something horrifying in my room, it turns into a lucid dream instead. i used to just see things during sleep paralysis when i was 10, now it’s progressed to even hallucinating hearing things and things touching me. it becomes a daily occurrence and the things i experience get even scarier depending on how anxious i am at the time. there are even some episodes that make me so scared that i get panic attack DURING them, and would want to pass out while having the sleep paralysis (my vision would start going white from panicking but i still would not be able to move, causing me to panic more). i’ve always been scared that since i experience all this, i have a risk factor of developing schizophrenia in the future. the hallucinations happen during the sleep paralysis, but they feel so real to me that i just worry.
my anxiety has been getting worse nowadays because of work and the fear that i am not good enough at anything. this causes me to overthink for the whole day and it sometimes causes me to have a migraine at the end of the day. i’ve tried to manage how i talk to myself in my head, the anxious thoughts always win in the end. i am scared that i am completely replaceable and that i bring nothing to the table.
i keep telling myself to seek professional help again but everytime the thought arises, the thought of actually telling someone how i feel repulses me. everyone has anxiety and sleep issues nowadays, what’s so special about me? i always feel like i’m overreacting when others have it worse than me. i want to seek help but adulting has also made it so difficult to do so
