Asking on behalf of my love. We have a house of our own and was happily living there for 3.5years. However things weren’t always great. We argued alot of times and at one point of time we stop communicating. So we don’t really know if either of us is struggling with anything. Till one day he broke down and started to do things that are out of his character. We seeked help but there are times he’s not himself again…He said one of the triggers of his anxiety is our house. So for 2months we didn’t sleep at our house as he said each time he steps into our house, he said our house drains his energy. Recently I asked when can we live back at our house. Just the thought of it gave him anxiety attack. I told him he needs to go counselling or get a therapy but he refused. How do I assist him? I can’t keep living with his family. This is also affecting me mentally.
Hi @user987 ! Thank you for being open and sharing with us your troubles just wanna let you know we are here to listen and support you
I get that not having enough personal space can be really stressful as well
Maybe you can share with us some context ? What were his reasons for not wanting to seek help ?
Hi there @user987
Thanks for sharing with us about your struggles. I hear you about what you’re currently experiencing with your partner, it’s perfectly valid for you to be thinking and feeling the way you do, given what you’ve experienced these past years and needing to live away from your own home.
You mentioned that you sought help before - I wonder what that was and how it helped each of you? You mentioned about your partner’s anxiety and it sounds like working through by getting him back home is proving to be very challenging. I also wonder what he means when he mentions that the house ‘drains his energy’ as the act of being in the house and now even thinking about it also affects him greatly. Anxiety does have a function of keeping one alert and noticing problems, so I wonder what is it that is truly affecting him?
But the most important thing now is you and your experience. How are you taking care of yourself throughout this? Are you able to find time for yourself and ensure that you’re also being looked out for. Perhaps in this moment of distress, can you also try these exercises where possible
Another way to ensure that you’re also cared for is through open communication. How that looks like is finding the right moment to speak (no distractions, both are calm, etc), know what you want, being clear with your message, talk about how it affects you and using I statements to convey what you feel (“I feel…”), want (“I want…) as well as need (“I need…”).
Also, you can consider reaching out to Family Service Centres as they have professionals that can support you in a non-judgmental manner to help you cope and discover ways to work through your situation. Remember that you deserve and can get all the support you need! Hope to hear from you soon, take care