Apathy and/or others?…

Ask a Therapist Signs and Symptoms
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Been awhile since I’ve talked, my second post ever and things have gotten… interesting, to put it lightly. Especially what happened last night.

Referring back to few months ago, I get bored a lot, chronically so. Nothing can hold my interest for too long, sometimes even dropping an interest in less than 12hrs. Impulsive purchases, people and even friendships, there were times I had no interest in them yet deep down I still want connection. Mood swings, going from being easily agitated, having bad anger issues and violent thoughts to where I’d even get lost in my own head overthinking my very sense of self sometimes. It’s gotten worse the past month so that’s—yeah…

Apathy or depression, that’s what I’ve been told mostly via my friends own options and experiences, though I doubt it. I’m in college living with my parents, and they don’t believe I have any ‘issues’ so I can’t just ask for a therapist either, and I hate drawing attention to myself since it makes me feel off, more than I think I should be, so I’ve always avoided counsellors.

Anyway, back to mentioning what happened last night. So, it was roughly 7pm-8pm, and I got overly irritated again. Went to my room to calm down, chest felt tight and I ended up having a headache. Moments later, I’m told to watch my younger brother as my parents go out to have dinner. I’ve calmed down by then. 1-2hrs later, they came back, it was 10pm now and I went back to my room cause I didn’t want to go back to the source that was irritating me again, and I ended up sleeping. I woke up momentarily and had a few ‘ha ha’ moments with my younger sis and that’s when I suddenly couldn’t stop laughing. Like—wheezing, cracked voice, face turning red, rolled off my bed to the floor, crying laughing. My sister said I went on for about 15mins roughly, and whenever I tried to force myself to stop, I just burst into tears laughing again. I eventually stopped once I got back to my bed, and I suddenly stopped, knocking out instantly, with chest pain and phlegm afterwards. When I woke up today, my stomach still ached from then.

Im fine now, but it was still really weird. I’ve had moments where I couldn’t stop laughing before back when I was 13-16, but those were silly moments with friends. Never something this intense before. I talked with a few of my current friends and they said I had a mini breakdown of sorts, even though I don’t see it as such so… yea. That’s that.

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Dear @Kane

Thank you for writing in to describe what has been going on for you. I’m glad you have reached out. It’s understandably confusing, scary and energy draining for anyone who experiences what you’ve been going through for the past few months, such as mood swings, impulsive urges and bouts of anger, among other symptoms. I hear these symptoms have been becoming more pronounced of late. Not wishing to overreact, you have kept them to yourself and not sought help from anyone including parents.

However, I believe that the incident that happened last night cannot be simply left unaddressed. Although you are safe now, may I encourage you to tell your parents what happened including the physical pain you are feeling. Request them to set up an appointment with a doctor soon.

When visiting the doctor provide a complete picture preferably by listing down symptoms and incidents which occured prior to these symptoms. Ask the doctor if you can do assessments to investigate further.

You shared how you have been avoiding seeing the school counsellor in the past. May I offer a reframe? They provide a safe non judgmental space for you to bring up topics which are causing you distress. They can also equip you with important skills needed to live better, such as how to manage unhelpful thoughts and regulate emotions. Hence speaking to a counsellor can upskill us with useful and effective techniques. You will also raise your self awareness of erroneous thinking patterns, cognitive distortions and brainstorm useful alternatives.

Do let us know how you are progressing and continue reaching out to the supportive community here whenever needed. You can get better taking one small step at a time. :yellow_heart: