I have a therapist, a psychiatrist, a social worker and a counsellor. I have my family and friends. Still, I am overwhelmed and still, I choose to distance myself from people.
This is a trend I’ve noticed for myself, where when I feel like “nothing works” and it’s “easier to give up”, my mind and body automatically shuts down other operations and functions on autopilot. I just focus on eating, sleeping, maybe playing games or playing with slime, showering, but not doing anything really productive. I’ve told this to my therapist as well, and it’s just, I fear that all the practices where it involves me trying to condition my brain takes too long. I’m constantly bombarded by thoughts and worries and expectations that I think others have of me that I can’t focus on the present.
I worry because when I do get out of autopilot mode, I have all these things to worry about like work, school, commitments… that I think I’ll end up isolating myself and going on autopilot mode again. I feel as though all the help I’ve received is wasted on me because my brain chooses to go autopilot every time I feel like giving up. I’ve told myself time and time again to try and build my resilience and willpower, but it’s so difficult and frustrating.
Dear @ChocoAlmonds
Thank you for writing in. I think you are making good progress and I gently encourage you to give yourself more credit. The fact that you can recognise thinking patterns clearly, noticing when your mind shifts into “autopilot mode”, identifying the thoughts that come with it, and talking openly about it with your therapist, tells me you have a lot of insight and self-awareness.
I sense that the support received is starting to show positive impact. You are also continuing to engage professionals, friends and family when things feel difficult. That tells me you are not someone who has given up; you are someone determined to keep trying despite feeling overwhelmed.
I think what you described is not a lack of willpower but likely a protective response your mind has learned over time. When everything feels too much, your brain narrows its focus to getting through the day. The goal is not necessarily to get rid of those uncomfortable thoughts, worries, or sensations before you can function. Instead, it may be helpful to continue working with your therapist on learning to accept these thoughts’ presence and allow them to remain in the background, like radio chatter. The thoughts can be there without needing to control what you do next.
I agree progressing is often slower than we would like, especially when we’re trying to retrain long-standing patterns. But the fact that you recognise these patterns and proactively seeking help is itself evidence that change is already happening. Keep at it, I believe you are already progressing towards improved wellbeing.