i am a 21-year-old student and i am privileged to be living a uni campus life i enjoy, which has been a positive experience in my young adulthood journey thus far. however, back at home, some of my family members are experiencing chronic health issues and the other adults in the family are worried about the caregiving arrangements and other practical things. as someone who is close to my family, while i express concerns for my family members and be there for them, i cannot help but feel conflicted about whether i should allow myself to enjoy uni life when my family members are experiencing ordeals. moreover, sometimes i struggle with intrusive thoughts about something bad happening to my family members because of their health issues, which has recently been holding me back from enjoy living uni life. in a sense it’s a kind of incongruence when at campus and at home.
Hey @claire_123 !
Thanks for voicing your worries out 
. Firstly, congrats on getting into university! I am so happy to hear that uni has been a positive experience for you and I hope that you will continue to enjoy and love what you are studying 
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I am so sorry to hear that some of your family members are experiencing chronic health issues. It must be difficult hearing and knowing that your family is struggling with health issues. I really hope that they will get better soon.
I wanna reaffirm you that you have every right to feel loved and enjoy university life. While yes, you can be concerned over their health and may be worried for them, it is totally okay to still be happy with your life. Your family is one very important aspect of your life so it is totally natrual to concerned, afraid etc. And sometimes it may affect our other part of lives and that’s okay! But I hope you know that you have every right to feel happy about your life in university. If you are happy, embrace that happiness. If you are enjoying it, continue to enjoy and love what you are doing. There is nothing wrong with feeling that joy. You deserve it after all that hard work 
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I hear that you have been having intrusive thoughts. And that is totally normal! To have such thoughts especially when your family is not doing well is normal. I encourgae you to take it one day at a time, check in with your family also to reassure yourself too!
Thanks for checking in Claire! Let us know how else we can support you!
Hello @claire_123,
Thank you for sharing - I’m very heartened to hear that you’re cherishing your uni campus life and having a pretty good journey so far. 
From your message, it sounds like you’re abit conflicted about whether to continue with your campus uni life or do something for your family, especially as they experience some health issues and have to make practical arrangements for them. Sounds like you’re really concerned and worried about them, especially as someone who is more family oriented. I know you might not feel like you’re not doing anything yet, but I’d like to affirm you for not putting your family aside during this tougher period - to the point that your fears of the situation turning bad is affecting your life in uni.
It is normal to worry and think about our own situation and compare it to our loved one’s - especially if theirs aren’t as ideal as yours. I’m wondering if you’ve tried communicating with your family regarding your concerns? At the same time, is there anything you feel that can help the situation / yourself cope while you’re physically away from them? (perhaps you can think of other ways of helping apart from practical stuff too..?)
Balancing family and school commitments can be tough; so do let us know if there’s anything we can help with too 
Sending all the best wishes for your family, and you take care also 
Dear @claire_123
Thank you for reaching out here. I’m glad you have sought assistance to figure out next steps. I believe the situation is tough as you feel the need to prioritise and choose between two areas of your life which are both precious to you.
I can see that you are devoted to your family; and family means a lot to you. You come across as someone who has a deep sense of responsibility towards your family, especially so now because you are aware that family members require caregiving support. I laud you for showing maturity in recognising that both caregivers and those receiving care face a lot of strain. Understandably, you want to help out and reduce their strain.
However at the same time, I am hearing you enjoy campus life and the opportunity to stay independently on campus has facilitated a lot of growth and development. You fully deserve this positive experience.
May I gently suggest to explore ways to balance both needs. For example, reach out to your family and work out specific days you can come home to help out with caregiving. Are there other ways you can support your family for part of the day even when you are in campus?
Through trial and error and dialogue with your family, I believe you can find the right blend that maximises your campus and university experience while remaining involved at home.
Please also choose to be kind to yourself and hold those intrusive thoughts lightly; keep focus on important areas and people in your life who matter. Engage your family and share your struggle so that they too understand your choices.
Choose to be fully present at all times to experience and enjoy both areas. Keep flexible and agile as you thrive towards best outcomes. Seek support and understanding from those around you because remember you are never alone. 
Hey @claire_123. It really comes through how thoughtful and caring you are. Like you’re being so tuned in to your family’s needs while also reflecting on your own growth at uni. That’s not easy, and it already shows your sense of responsibility and love.
It makes sense that you feel conflicted. Sometimes when we’re enjoying life while loved ones are struggling, guilt can creep in, almost as if our joy isn’t “allowed.”
Another way to see this is that caring for your family and allowing yourself to live fully at uni can coexist. Both are parts of your life, and both matter. Your love for them doesn’t diminish just because you’re also choosing to grow, learn, and experience joy. In fact, your joy might be the very thing that gives you resilience to walk alongside them through the hard times.
Perhaps you could see your uni journey not as “pulling away,” but as “preparing yourself” like equipping yourself to show up for them in new and meaningful ways.
Sending you care as you navigate this balance, and may you find permission to hold both joy and love together 
Hey @claire_123,
Thank you for opening up about your situation. It must have taken much courage and vulnerability to open up about these struggles, and I want you to know that everything you’re feeling is completely understandable.
I can see how deeply you love your family, and that love is beautiful - but it’s also clearly weighing heavily on your heart while you’re trying to navigate university life. The guilt you’re carrying shows just how much you care, and I acknowledge you for that. At the same time, I’m concerned about you carrying this emotional burden when you’re supposed to be focusing on this important chapter of your life.
Here’s what I want you to consider: worrying from a distance isn’t actually helping your family, but it is hurting you. You have to be healthy and thriving, not consumed with anxiety about things you can’t control from where you are.
If staying connected feels important to you, perhaps brief daily check-ins could help ease that worry while still allowing you to be present for your own life. And when you do visit, those moments together will be so much more meaningful when you’re coming from a place of peace rather than constant stress.
I hear you about the intrusive thoughts - they’re exhausting and they feel so real, but they’re not serving you or your family. You deserve to experience the joy and growth that university offers. Your family wants that for you too. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is trust that others can handle their lives while we focus on living ours fully💙