Just sharing if anyone here behaves or think the same as I do. I am starting to feel that the way my mind works or how I’m used to thinking this way is harmful.
For example, I tend to be “mindful” towards my partner by agreeing to (go shopping today while I already set my mind to postpone it to next week) so that I don’t hurt her feeling. But with this mindset and behaviour that I have developed, I am not being exactly honest about what I want or prefer. This behaviour hindered our communication and I couldn’t be open and speak my mind out to my partner.
I have been trying my best and I want to break out of this cycle. Help anyone?
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Hi @twentytree
Thank you for courageously coming forward with the situation you are in and seeking ways to manage it better. It’s commendable that you’re recognising the potential harm of your thought patterns and behaviours. That’s the first step towards positive change I believe.
Here are some suggestions you can consider to help you break out of this cycle:
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Practice assertive communication: Learn to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, which can come across as accusatory. Introduce this slowly as it is a new approach for both your partner and you.
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Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and expectations with your partner. This can help prevent feelings of resentment and frustration.
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Prioritise honesty and authenticity: Make an effort to be truthful and authentic in your interactions with your partner. This might mean saying “no” or “I’d prefer not to” instead of agreeing to something that doesn’t align with your desires.
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Develop emotional intelligence: Work on recognising, understanding, and managing your emotions. This can help you communicate more effectively and respond to situations in a more thoughtful, intentional way.
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Seek feedback and support: Talk to your partner about your concerns and ask for feedback and support. Consider couples therapy or counselling to work through these issues together.
Remember, breaking out of this cycle takes time, effort, and practice. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work towards developing healthier communication habits and a more authentic relationship. 
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Hi @twentytree,
It sounds like you’ve been through an incredibly tough and confusing experience, and I want you to know that your feelings are completely valid. Navigating friendships, especially when feelings are involved, can be really challenging and often leads to heartache. You’ve shown a lot of strength by trying to respect her choices and coping with the pain of losing her friendship.
It’s absolutely understandable to feel conflicted now that she’s reaching out again. Reopening that door can bring back a rush of emotions, and it’s only natural to wonder if she genuinely wants to reconnect or if she’s simply looking for support during a difficult time in her life. Taking care of yourself should be your priority. If you do choose to reconnect, it’s essential to listen to your intuition. You might want to discuss your feelings of hurt and confusion with her, to understand her perspective and clarify what she wants from this renewed communication. This could help you both move forward with honesty.
It’s also completely okay to feel uncertain about cutting ties completely. Friendships can be complex, and losing someone you care for is never easy. It’s important to recognize that wanting to reconnect doesn’t negate the hurt you’ve experienced—it’s simply a testament to your capacity for understanding and compassion. No matter what you decide, remember that your feelings are important, and it’s okay to seek out what brings you peace. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who support you, and take your time in making a decision that best aligns with your emotional well-being. You deserve kindness, both from others and from yourself.
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