i’m carrying alot of emotional baggage bc i have an older brother who has selective mutism and i feel like everything is thrown onto me like all the responsibilities have been thrown to me. and everyone cares more about him than me.
so i constantly feel super duper drained by this and im constantly ranting everything to my bf.
but i fear that’s too much baggage for him to handle bc he’s super busy with his work and stuff so i don’t think i should burden him with my issues.
so i suggested that i should get a therapist, he took it the wrong way and thought i was implying that he wasn’t good enough…
but it’s really bc everytime i rant to him via text, he only replies awhile after… at that loint i’ve already had my crashout so there’s always no point revisiting the issue i guess.
but i guess i could try like seeking comfort from him when he isn’t busy¿ if he really doesn’t like the idea of me having a therapist¿ but i really felt like i need one¿ but after chatting with him on a deeper level i’m ok with not having one? idk… thoughts?
Hey @user3972. It sounds really heavy carrying so much on your own, especially when you feel like your brother’s needs get more attention. I can hear how drained and overwhelmed you are and it makes sense that you need someone to talk to and process all of this.
It also makes sense that you worry about burdening your boyfriend. Wanting to share your feelings with someone you trust is natural, but it can be tricky when timing or expectations don’t align. It doesn’t mean you care about him any less, or that he isn’t good enough, it’s just that your needs and his availability sometimes don’t match.
Therapy could still be a helpful option. A therapist is not there to replace him; they can be a safe, non-judgmental space to unpack your thoughts and feelings without worrying about overloading someone you love. Even a few sessions could make a big difference in managing all the responsibility you’re carrying.
In the meantime, if you’re open to it, maybe you could try:
- Timing your check-ins with your boyfriend: When you know he has space, or even just quick “vent” messages where he can respond later.
- Journaling or voice notes for yourself: Sometimes getting things out helps reduce the “crash” you mentioned, even if no one is there to respond immediately.
- Small self-care rituals: Short breaks, walks, music, or anything that helps you feel grounded and less drained.
- Breaking up responsibilities: Splitting tasks at home into smaller, more manageable pieces so it doesn’t feel like it’s all on you.
Tiny steps like these can help you feel a little lighter day by day.
You’re doing a lot, and it’s okay to need support outside of your relationship. You deserve to feel heard, seen and supported without guilt 
Hey @user3972 I can sense the weight that you’re carrying all by yourself, and how it is overwhelming you. Feeling like attention is diverted towards your older brother given his condition understandably makes you feel isolated and unsupported — I empathise with you on that.
It is natural to share your deep-seated emotions to your boyfriend, since I can tell you trust and love him very much. And if you feel the need for additional support from a professional, that’s okay too! It doesn’t mean that he’s not good enough, and you’re taking that step for your mental health; these two things are not mutually exclusive.
Perhaps your boyfriend would better understand your decision if you communicate to him that you don’t wish to overly burden him with your problems, while making it clear that you still trust him and would love to share with him if he wants to hear. I believe he would be more receptive to you seeing a therapist if you openly and more clearly tell him about your thoughts and motivations.
Hope this response helps and jiayou! 
Hi @user3972, thank you for being so honest about how you’re feeling. It makes sense that you feel drained carrying so much responsibility, especially with your brother needing extra care and feeling like your own needs aren’t getting as much attention. Wanting to talk to your boyfriend about it is natural. Anyone in your situation would need some support :')
It seems like your boyfriend misunderstood the idea of therapy and felt it meant he wasn’t enough. That’s a really common worry in relationships, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that your need for support is valid. Wanting to see a therapist isn’t about him being “not good enough” but, like what others shared previously, it’s about giving yourself a safe space to process everything, especially when timing or other responsibilities make it hard to get support when you need it most.
At the same time, it’s okay to try seeking comfort from him during moments when he’s free and able to be fully present. You’re balancing your needs with the reality of your relationship, and that’s thoughtful.
Ultimately, your mental health matters. You may like to explore what helps you feel more grounded and cared for, and discuss with him on how to find a common ground in this.
Remember to be kind to yourself! You’re doing your best, and that matters
Dear @user3972
Thank you for reaching out and exploring what you could do to cope better in this hurtful situation you are in.
From the sharing,I can sense it has certainly been a heavy load that you have been carrying. Understandably, although this big responsibility of caring for your brother has been thrust on you, you feel that you are treated like your needs play second fiddle to your brother’s. That is indeed draining.
I can see the lack of acknowledgment of your efforts and this has contributed to the many feelings of overwhelm has been bubbling inside of you. However there is absence of a safe and dedicated space where you can air your feelings and thoughts in a timely, safe and professional setting. You realise you could benefit from an independent professional who could help you process and name your feelings and help you tame them. Plus the counsellor could teach you exercises you can do to self care and self soothe.
I fully get that you are grateful for your boyfriend’s support and respect him deeply. However, you also acknowledge that he has his own job and responsibilities and hence there are delays in his responses to your ‘rants’ about unfair family behaviour. You thus find that unfortunately the support your boyfriend gives you is not enough or comes too late, limiting its usefulness.
I suggest that it may help to gently check in with your boyfriend and share with him that your needs are not being met. Assure him it is not his fault. New approaches may be needed to help you get better which neither your boyfriend nor you may know about.
You can also reframe your conversation with your boyfriend to better understand his worries about you seeing a counsellor. It will be important that both of you are honest and open to work out a solution. Keep going and reach out here for support whenever needed. 