Called a gypsy artist by my mom and more

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

My mom made hurtful remarks today by comparing me, an artist, to vincent van gough. At first it sounded like a good thing being compared to a famous artist but the way she phrased it has let me down.

Ever since I finished my O-level exams, I’ve been trying to be proactive and drawing more since I have more free time but my mom began to compare my life with van gough’s one and the “gypsy” remark came in. She even brought up the topic of van gough having had lived with a prostitute which was super irrelevant because I’m a girl and a minor to add on.

She doesn’t seem to respect boundaries or personal space. Whenever I ask her to leave every time she enters my room to make nasty remarks she just stays there and continues. But sometimes an impulse gets to me where I have to hold her hand to lead her out which results in her beating my arm.

I get what she says is mostly related to my physical well-being, taking care of the skin and all but its too far. I thought things would get better after the exam but no it became worse.

Today I cried in front of her, which she hates or 100% doesn’t give a damn but I don’t care what she thinks too, except deep down I hate crying in front of her because it’s her and her personality.

How do I deal with this.

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Hi @undying_sun,

Reading what you wrote, it felt like you’ve been trying hard to build your self confidence after exams, your drawing, your own quiet momentum, but somehow it turned into something shaming. And because you’ve had past moments where her words cut in similar ways, the meaning of her remarks naturally didn’t sit well.

The mention of the “gypsy” thing and the bringing up of prostitutes… it wasn’t needed and nothing remotely associated… That said, the part where you said you sometimes have to drag her hand to lead her out, that shows how cornered you must have felt. Your stance was clear because the stress has been sitting there for a while, especially with the exam period just passing.

I felt your sadness as much I felt your anguish in that line, you crying in front of someone who has hurt you, feeling defenseless. Yet you stayed in the room long enough to even try to tell her to stop. That’s a kind of quiet strength you did not give yourself credit for.

If I may share, sometimes how you “deal with this” is about managing the impact, not changing anyone nor yourself… A simple, steady line like, “Ma, i don’t accept being spoken to like this,” can be enough to mark your boundary.. not shouting, not dragging her out, just naming what you will not take in. And if there was anything she meant positively but wrapped in a hurtful way, it’s okay to ask her plainly, “what did you mean by that?” and to tell her how it landed.

And if the comments keep escalating, it’s completely okay to remove yourself from the room for a moment, not slamming doors… just taking space so your body can settle. Reconnection can happen later, only if she chooses to speak calmly.

If any moment starts to feel too heavy; the crying, the fear, the pressure inside your chest; I want you to know that you can reach out to someone who won’t dismiss you.
SOS 1767 and Mindline 1771 are there if the stress feels bigger than what you can hold alone.

You’ve been holding a lot here, I hope that you can slowly, gently, without blaming yourself for feeling hurt, get more support in putting yourself back together again.