Am I normal or can I be normal again?

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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Hello everyone :slightly_smiling_face:

So sorry for troubling everyone but I will try to say out as much as possible from my heart that has been bottling for quite a while. Also, terribly sorry for my bad English as I am going to type without stopping much because im actually very unstable and might end up worrying about the person reading this and end up refraining myself from saying what I really want to say and I might be speaking gibberish or anything that comes out from my mind. Sorry for the excessive long introduction.

I think I would say I am quite an introspective person but maybe it gone into very excessive and very unhealthy. For example when seeking help, I would end up caring more about not burdening the person even though I really need the help the most. The stress has been piling up the most because currently it is university mid term exam period. Speaking of exams, when I get too stressed (also for more information I dont really like what im studying), I have so many useless thoughts for example “why am I studying this?” , “Why cant I concentrate?”, “Others might not like the material too and they can study but I cant”, “I need to concentrate and not worry about other people”, all these basically sums what I feel sometimes during lectures or almost all the time maybe? It might be a normal thing.

Lately I had an argument with my mom and its always about the most dumbest stuff, very embarassing but today she nagged at me for forgetting to flush the toilet (of course a very embarassing moment and definitely my fault), and then she said a remark that ticks me off, “I would be very worried if you ever want to live independently”, then I my mind straight off divert into self-harm. Yes self harm, although I really have no plans for it, I have been trying so hard to show that I can be independent for so many many countless years and even though im in my mid 20s, im still seen as a child. And then we fought and fought and she spouted words that really hurt me like “if you keep on fixated on all these negative stuff, you will live a negative life”, like yes I am well aware of that but Im trying so hard even with so many exam stress and stuff. Maybe its just me overreacting. Other than this argument, there are even arguments in the car, for an instance, we got into the car, and before she started driving, we argued again, I remember clearly asking the same question 5 times to “test” her and each of the response is always diverting a different topic and then she got unstable and drove off which clearly endangers me. I dont remember but always after every argument she always ends with “I am just worry about you” or maybe “all mothers worry” something like that.

Okay sorry I don’t really know what to add on anymore theres probably many other stories but it is all blurry, this might be all gibberish because im just typing all that I can without stopping so I can say what I want to say. Well all this might just be something normal and might be a problem with me. But I really need some opinions on this.

Thank you so much for reading! :blush:

1 Like
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Yeah I understand, you have a good story school must be tough but remember to give yourself a break maybe take three classes a semester. Your parent is just trying to cheer you on not to give up, believe in yourself try to achieve your goals without exceeding yourself. Your mother cares for you she wants the best for you

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Hi @user4171

What you mentioned about “sorry for troubling everyone”, already tells how hard you’re trying to take up as little space as possible, even when you’re in pain. Reading through, it feels like every word is battling between wanting to be heard and wanting not to bother anyone.

It sounds exhausting to live with that much self-monitoring. You seem to keep your guard up because past moments of being misunderstood or judged left marks. That fear now shows up even in small things, how you write, how you ask for help, even how you study. It’s like you’re trying to be perfectly considerate so no one can call you a burden.

The arguments with your mum… they read like two people reacting from fear rather than responding with care. Her “i’m just worried” probably hides her own anxiety about letting go, while your mind hears it as “you’re not capable.” that gap between intention and impact is painful.

When you describe your thoughts jumping to self-harm after her remark, that shows how fragile your sense of worth feels right now. It doesn’t sound like you want to die, it sounds like you want the noise of being “never enough” to stop for a while. That’s a very different need, and one that deserves genuine care, not judgment.

Maybe for now, what might help is creating a small space where you can respond, not react, to her, to exams, to yourself. One way is to name what’s happening in three parts:

  • Thoughts: “she thinks I can’t live alone.”
  • Feelings: “that hurts and makes me feel small.”
  • Action: “I need a pause before replying.”

It sounds simple, but it can break the loop of reacting. This takes practice, don’t worry if you can’t do it immediately.

You mentioned the stress of exams and disliking your course. That kind of mismatch easily feeds self-doubt, especially when others seem to cope. But comparing only deepens the hurt, it measures your pain against someone else’s mask.

If the thoughts start to feel stronger or harder to control, please reach out immediately SOS 1-767 or Mindline 1-771 (WhatsApp +65 6669 1771) are both safe spaces. They’ll listen, no need to prove anything.

You don’t sound broken, just very tired of being misunderstood. Maybe if we can just wait, without solving and recognise how much effort you’ve already been giving to simply stay kind in a world that often reads you wrong.

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Hi @user4171 I think it’s a brave step forward for you to openly share how you feel instead of withholding it in fear that it might burden the other person. This is a safe space after all :heart: so don’t apologise for sharing kayy

You’re a really self-aware person and I understand that you’re coming from a place of hurt and frustration.

Just know that you’re not alone in this!Struggles with self-worth and arguments with a loved one are not as rare as you might think they are. Everyone does things at their own pace so it isn’t fair for you to compare yourself to others :frowning: You are allowed to just do your best and find methods of studying that suit your own needs. Perhaps you can consider writing down your thoughts or typing them down on your phone to clear your head when you start going into that train of thought again. That could help you notice patterns of conclusions or judgements you make of yourself and you can try to pause, re-evaluate and even try to challenging them! :slight_smile: Being kind to ourselves is not always easy but you got this, the fact that you decided to openly share your feelings this here is a step forward already