Caring for love ones going through mental health struggles and emotionally burning tf out

Ask a Therapist Coping
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this is my first time here, I do not know where to share this problem with. Backstory, very close friend of mine and my sister suffers ongoing depression for a long time, is not actively suicidal, but sometimes episodes do happen from time to time. Close friend is in an abusive relationship but knows he is at fault same as his partner, gave advice to leave but never does, tells me its hard to leave someone they truly love. Breakups do happen and sometimes would tell me his suicidal thoughts, and I had to talk him out of it, thus mentally draining me a lot.

My sister also have diagnosed depression and anxiety, got sabotaged badly in school, tired of life, not wanting therapy or help because she knows she will go back to the start. During her episodes I also talked to her out of it, got police involved, parents also not the type to fully understand her mental health condition, also educated my parents to stop viewing her just a mentally unstable person but a daughter to the family. And now would not stop talking about her toxic situationship/breaking no contact, and recently started talking to them again.

Genuinely extremely tired, emotionally ■■■■■■, drained out, burnt out, unable to have motivation to do my hobbies, earn some pocket money, travel, during my holiday before university starts again. Understood all of my friends advices to keep focusing on myself, but its hard when these people are my loved ones, I can’t just simply ■■■■ care everything and be a selfish ■■■■■. But also, I am really tired and I am actively trying to find more coping methods for myself so I would stop self-sabotaging.

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Hi there faithfulcricket1628, thank you for reaching out today.

First off, I want to say that it takes a lot of strength to voice out when you are struggling emotionally. What you’re carrying sounds genuinely exhausting. Being the person who talks someone back from the edge, not once, but repeatedly, for multiple people you love takes something out of you that doesn’t just come back with a good night’s sleep. And doing that while you’re still a student, before university even restarts, is a lot.

I want to gently name something: what you’re describing the emotional exhaustion, loss of motivation for things you normally enjoy, feeling drained and unable to function those are real signs that you’re running on empty. You’ve been so focused on keeping others afloat that your own wellbeing has taken a serious hit. That’s not weakness, it’s just what happens when someone gives more than they have for too long.

Also, I hear you on the advice people are giving you to focus on yourself, it is always easier said than done and this time it is a lot harder especially when the people in crisis are your loved ones. The love is real, and that makes it complicated in a way that a simple boundary-setting tip doesn’t really address.

A few things I’d gently offer, not as a checklist but just as thoughts:

You don’t have to choose between caring and protecting yourself. But right now, the balance is badly off, and you deserve support too, not just as a resource for others. Talking to a counsellor yourself, even just a few sessions, could give you a space where you are the one being held, not the one holding.

For your friend and sister specifically, you can love someone and still tell them honestly that you’re not in a place to be their crisis support right now. That’s not abandonment. You can say “I love you and I’m not okay either.”

You can always reach out to Mindline at 1771 or WhatsApp 6669 1771 to share your thoughts and have a listening ear. You can also visit Mindling.sg for resources and self-help options.