i have posted on this platform before about i had gone through a long depressive episode and i felt fine for a period of time. but now my emotions have been fluctuating again. i even have a job waiting for me, which i thought wld make me stabilise since it was one of the things that was stressing me out, but i was wrong. i can’t seem to be alone with my thoughts.. its like i constantly have to have a task so that my mind won’t wander. i overthink like crazy about my future, about my capabilities, whether im doing enough. logically i know im trying my best and things will fall into place but my anxiety seems to say the opposite, and its so frustrating. its like im constantly fighting myself, and my mind feels like a mess sometimes. to be very honest, i don’t want to do anything anymore. i just want to drop everything and rot but i don’t have that luxury.
Dear @user9812
Thank you for reaching out here. From your sharing, it sounds like you’re very tired of fighting with your own mind, and that makes a lot of sense given everything you’ve been through.
Thank you too for sharing about you going through a long depressive episode, feeling okay for a bit, and now your emotions are swinging again. Though you landed the job you had aspired for, it has not helped. It’s understandable to feel confused and frustrated as a result, and it suggests you’re still under a lot of emotional strain.
I think the need to stay busy to so that your thoughts wander less is an indication of how loud and stressful those thoughts are. That is a common way of coping and protecting yourself.
That incessant self criticism also reflects the anxiety you are experiencing. Feeling like you “don’t want to do anything anymore” or “just want to rot” is a sign that you’re exhausted, I can see you have been holding these emotions inside of you for a long time.
May I recommend:
-To speak to a counsellor to unpack and process what you shared. The counsellor can also help you to learn effective coping skills to better manage and reduce distress. For immediate support please consider calling the national mindline at 1771 which operates 24/7.
-To speak to trusted family members and widen your support network
Please know that you absolutely deserve support with this, and do not have to handle this alone.
May I also recommend a few tiny, gentle steps that might help reduce the pressure a bit:
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5-minute pauses: set a timer and let yourself just sit, breathe, or stretch. You’re showing your brain that stillness doesn’t have to be scary.
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Name the feeling: “I’m feeling anxious right now, that doesn’t mean its thoughts are true.”
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Write worries down: when your brain spirals about the future, put them on a page so they’re not all in your head.
Please seek help soon ; and with you taking positive steps I believe the distress will reduce. Keep reaching out here whenever needed, too.
I feel so depressed lately. I’ve been cheated on cheap food which don’t even justify for the price. at this point, I feel like I shouldn’t buy any food anymore. I have lost my appetite.