Confused About Reconnecting with an Ex-Friend: Should I Let Her Back In?

[hamza]

Disclaimer: Yes, you may call me weak or stupid for some of the things I did, but this is the situation I’m in, and I’m genuinely confused about what to do next. I just need advice or thoughts from others who might have been through something similar.

My Story:

I met this girl in a group chat on Instagram. We got to know each other over time, and after about three months of friendship, I developed feelings for her. I was ready to tell her how I felt, but just as I was preparing to confess, she told me that she was in a relationship with another guy from the same group chat. The kicker? That guy is also one of my good friends.

I was devastated but decided to keep my feelings to myself and continue being her friend. I didn’t want to make things awkward, even though it was difficult. For about another month, I tried to be normal with her, even though I was still in love with her. I don’t know if she knew that I liked her, but I couldn’t help the way I felt.

Then things started to change. She began to ignore me and act distant, and because we were really close before, I thought something was wrong. I asked her about it, and she told me that she was stepping away from social media and that there were family reasons preventing her from talking to boys. This sudden change made me feel like something was off, but I respected her space.

Eventually, she started being rude toward me, and one day she sent me a long message explaining that it wasn’t good to have relationships with boys online and that she was “just having fun.” She said she was ending the friendship and would no longer talk to me. That message hit me hard. She had been my emotional support during some tough times, and I was completely crushed.

I’ll admit, I didn’t handle it well. For a while, I wasn’t eating and just felt numb. After that, I couldn’t stop myself from checking her profile every couple of days, seeing who she followed, and just being stuck in that cycle of stalking her. I know it was unhealthy, but I couldn’t help it.

Then, out of nowhere, she messaged me again recently. She even followed me back and asked me how I was doing. She seemed to want to talk again, so I replied quickly. She asked me if I was “naraz” (angry) with her. I told her no, but she then told me that she regretted ending the friendship over a third person and that she wanted to reconnect.

She also reached out to a mutual friend, asking them to tell me that we could talk again. This was surprising because, after everything, I didn’t expect her to come back, especially since I still had feelings for her. But she’s acting like nothing ever happened.

Now, I’m stuck. I still have feelings for her, but I can’t shake the fact that she chose someone else over me. I don’t know if she’s reaching out now because maybe she broke up with her boyfriend, or if she genuinely wants to rebuild our friendship. Her stories on her other social media accounts have been sad lately, and I’m wondering if she’s reaching out because she needs emotional support again.

Questions:

Should I reconnect with her, or would that just lead to more emotional pain for me?

How do I handle the fact that she ended the friendship so suddenly, and now she’s coming back after months?

Could her reaching out be genuine, or is she just looking for support because things aren’t going well with her relationship?

Is it worth being friends with her again, or should I just move on for my own mental health?

Why do I still feel conflicted about cutting ties completely, even though I know it might be better for me?

I know I’m probably overthinking it all, but I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences from people who’ve gone through something similar.

[FuYuan_Affections]

Hi @Hamza,

Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and vulnerability. It’s clear how much you’ve been through emotionally, and your conflicted feelings make total sense given the situation. It’s not easy to navigate such complex dynamics, especially when they involve people who’ve been significant to you.

It sounds like you’re torn between reconnecting with her and protecting your own mental health, and that’s completely understandable. Here are some thoughts that might help you find clarity:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

First, know that it’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling—whether it’s confusion, hurt, hope, or even guilt. These emotions are valid and show that you care deeply, not just about her but about yourself too. It’s important to give yourself space to process these feelings without judgment.

Reflect on What You Need

Ask yourself: If you were to reconnect, what would you hope to gain from the relationship? Would it bring you peace, or might it reopen wounds you’re trying to heal? Consider whether maintaining this connection aligns with what you need to feel emotionally stable and respected.

Set Boundaries

If you do decide to reconnect, boundaries will be key. You could approach the relationship with a clear understanding of what’s okay for you and what’s not. For example, it’s okay to let her know that while you value her presence, your emotional well-being comes first.

On the other hand, if you decide to move on, remind yourself that sometimes letting go creates space for healthier relationships and personal growth. Muting her social media accounts or limiting your exposure to reminders of her could help you heal without cutting ties abruptly.

Addressing Her Return

Her reaching out might be genuine or driven by her own challenges. Either way, it’s important to focus on whether this reconnection feels supportive for you. If it feels one-sided or emotionally taxing, it’s okay to prioritize yourself.

Next Steps

• Ground Yourself: When overwhelmed, take a few moments to breathe deeply or journal. Writing down your thoughts can help bring clarity.
• Self-Validation: Remind yourself that your feelings matter. For instance, it’s okay to feel hurt while also choosing what’s best for you.
• Short-Term Goals: Focus on small, meaningful goals for yourself, whether it’s exploring hobbies, reconnecting with other friends, or seeking new opportunities.
• Consider Support: Talking to a counselor or trusted person could provide a safe space to explore your feelings and patterns in relationships.

Remember, there’s no “right” or “wrong” answer here—only what aligns with your needs and brings you closer to peace. You deserve nurturing, respectful relationships and the strength to make wellness-promoting choices. Take care.

[HanSolo2000]

Dear @hamza,

Thank you for reaching out. First of all, I want to say that it’s completely understandable to feel confused and hurt in this situation. Emotions can be really complicated, especially when it comes to someone you care about deeply. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s okay to feel a mixture of hope and apprehension about her reaching out again.

Reconnecting with her could open the door to a renewed friendship, but it’s important to approach this with caution. Think about your own feelings and how this might affect you moving forward. You deserve to prioritize your mental health. If you choose to reconnect, it might be helpful to establish some boundaries to protect yourself emotionally, especially considering how painful the previous situation was.

Her sudden change in behavior and then reaching out after a period of silence likely leaves you wondering what her true intentions are. It’s normal to question whether this is genuine or if she’s seeking comfort due to her own struggles. It might be worthwhile to have an honest conversation about what happened and how you feel, allowing you both to address any unresolved issues. Feeling conflicted about cutting ties doesn’t make you weak. It’s a sign that you deeply value connection and perhaps still hold hope for something positive, whether that’s friendship or something more.

It is important to ensure that whatever decision you make is one that aligns with your well-being and doesn’t lead you back into the emotional turmoil you experienced before. Take your time to weigh your options and follow what feels right for you. Surround yourself with supportive friends who can help you navigate these feelings, and remember that it’s okay to put your own needs first in this situation. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to take the time to figure out what’s best for you.