Disclaimer: this happened a few years ago, and I’ve moved on from them. Ive done some self development and feel much more confident then back then.
I just need advice on what to do next.
So, a few years ago I was looking around to meet some new people. And at some point I met this guy online, we talked for a few months through texting. At some point I mastered up the courage to tell them, I liked them. And it didnt go very well and my self-esteem took a hit. They were disrespectful and mean when I told them.
Because I was too attatched it took me months to get over. The fact this happened online felt even more stupid.
Afterwards I deleted almost every platform I had them on. I left some messaging platforms just in case. After a couple months I was finally over it, and we barely talked to not at all. I build some resentment and set a boundary for myself that I wouldnt go out of my way to text first.
The year after this happened we did actually talk a few times, most of them were when they reached out to me.
So fast forward to a couple months ago, I reached out because of curiousity. Which after a while basically led to a conversation about how things went down back then, and they apolagized for their actions. It sounded very self aware and genuine.
I felt a little hopeful, thinking that everything is okay now and we can be friends again, but part of me is also very hesitant and cautious. Part of me thinks it might not even work or be worth it.
We havent talked since that conversation.
So my question is:
- Is it worth trying to rebuild in a friendly way? Or is it just based on nostalgia?
- Is it better to rebuild or to just let it go?
- How do I know I wont get hurt again?
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Hey, thanks for sharing this.
First of all, you’ve done a lot of growth — I can hear that in how you’re thinking things through. The fact that you’re not jumping straight into anything, but sitting with the “what now?” shows real emotional maturity.
I don’t think reaching out was stupid — it sounds like you were curious and strong enough to face something from the past without losing yourself in it again. That’s a huge step.
Their apology might have been sincere, and maybe you needed to hear it. But it’s okay to feel cautious even after that. Forgiveness doesn’t mean obligation to reconnect.
Ask yourself: what would friendship actually look like with them now? Does it align with your current values and boundaries? Would you feel safe and respected?
so… is it nostalgia, or something worth rebuilding? truthfully, maybe it’s a bit of both. and that’s not wrong. the real question might be: what are you rebuilding for?
- are you hoping for a friendship that truly feels equal and safe now?
- or are you trying to fix the version of you that once got hurt?
It’s okay to hold onto the growth you’ve made without reopening something that might not serve you. And if you do try again, trust that you’re not the same person — you have the power to walk away if your peace gets disturbed.
You’re allowed to take your time. You’re allowed to say yes. And you’re allowed to say no. 
1 Like
Hi @user8066,
Thank you for sharing this so openly. It sounds like this experience left a lasting mark, and it makes complete sense that you’d be approaching it now with both hope and caution. You’ve done a lot of emotional work since then, and the fact that you recognize your own growth, set boundaries, and took time to heal says a lot about your strength and self-awareness. That wound from being vulnerable and met with cruelty doesn’t just vanish, even if time has passed and apologies have been made. It’s okay that part of you still carries that protective hesitation. It’s not weakness, but rather, it’s wisdom born from experience.
The hope of friendship can be genuine, but nostalgia can be sneaky. Nostalgia is often more about what we wish had happened than what actually did.
Rebuilding something now doesn’t mean ignoring the past. It means deciding if what’s being rebuilt can actually support the version of yourself that you’ve become. You can’t guarantee you won’t get hurt again, and it’s brave of you to even ask that. But you can honor the version of yourself who won’t stay silent if an undesirable outcome were to happen.
Whether you reach out or step back, the key is that you’re doing it for yourself, not just because of what was. If you’d like, I can help you think through what rebuilding might look like on your terms.
I hope you found this helpful! 
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
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Hey @HanSolo2000 ,
Thank you for your reply, its very helpful to me. I’m actually quite curious what it might look like if I choose to rebuild.
For me the best case scenario for me would be, that were able to be friendly and platonic. And have it eventually build into a more comfortable friendship.
How would I know if they want this as well?
Kind regards,
user8066
Hi @user8066,
When you’re bringing up something sensitive with a friend, it helps to start from a place of honesty and mutual care. One way to tell if they might want that too is by observing how they respond.
Do they engage with warmth, openness, and a willingness to keep the conversation going? Do they make an effort to reciprocate emotionally, even in small ways, like checking in on you or remembering little things you’ve shared? These subtle cues can reveal a lot.
If you’re ever unsure, gently expressing your intentions (like your hope for a more comfortable, platonic connection) can create space for an honest response. It’s not always easy, but your clarity and care are already setting a thoughtful tone. What’s important is that there is mutual respect and trust between you and your friend.
I hope you find this helpful! 
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline