Could it be a dementia symptom?

Ask a Therapist Signs and Symptoms
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I have been posting quite often since last year about certain queries regarding to my mental state of being. They have been helpful, and I feel much better now than how I was last year. But this time, the concern is my Grandma.

My family had been affecting my mental health for the past 8 years. And my Grandma has a significant role. Be it sharing a room or generational idea differences, my gran has been causing “trouble”. She is narcissistic, and gets away with it because of the support she gets from my family. I usually don’t try to increase her narcissistic supply, by using a toned down approach. Nowadays, I feel it’s not just that she’s narcissitic, but might also be having dementia. Actually, the person who caused me to have this suspicion was my dad. He had actually brought this matter up to my aunt and uncle when we visited them.

This is because, the last time we went overseas, she was arguing with a flower vendor about the price. She deemed the price was much lower than what was said to her. For example, the vendor said the price was around 50cents whereas she said it was unreasonable and said that the price should rightfully be just 5 cents.

Another instance was when my father asked her to tip an assistant. My aunt who had been looking after my gran when she was in India, wasn’t particular about how much my gran tipped the assistant. When we went to my aunt’s place, my father asked for a service and asked my gran to pay the assistant when he provided it. My father specified the amount to tip the assistant, and asked me to convey the message to my gran. I had to reiterate the amount to tip because she was about to tip a higher amount.

Nowadays, I have observed her being more aggressive for no reason on alternate weeks, when my father works from home. She also seems to cling onto my father too much when he wfh. Not only that she tries to make us feel that we don’t take care of my father. But we know that’s not the case, but are just left wondering why she is behaving as such.

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Dear @lovelychange

Thank you reaching out and sharing what you have been experiencing at home with your grandmother. It is clear you’ve been carrying a heavy burden for a long time. Your grandmother has already affected your mental health for years; and now with her recent new and confusing ways, it makes total sense that you’d feel stressed, worried, and unsure about what’s really happening. Nothing about your reaction is “too much”, I believe anyone of us in your position would feel the same.

The things you’re noticing in your grandma such as mixing up prices, forgetting amounts, getting more aggressive, clinging to your dad, creating tension may sometimes happen in early dementia, but they can also come from many other things, including age, anxiety, physical illness, or even long-standing personality traits becoming stronger. I agree it’s concerning. However, it’s also not something you can diagnose or manage on your own.

Your dad noticing these changes too is important. Since he already brought it up to your aunt and uncle, it would be really helpful for him to talk to her doctor and ask for a check-up or cognitive evaluation. I sense your grandmother needs proper medical attention to understand what’s really going on and it’s not your responsibility.

Your mental health matters, too. After many years of family stress, you deserve space, boundaries, and support. You don’t need to carry all of this by yourself, and you’re allowed to step back when her behaviour becomes overwhelming.

Do speak to your father soon, recommending medical assistance for your grandmother. Meanwhile keep reaching out here for support whenever needed.:yellow_heart:

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