My grandma not only seems to be having npd but also dementia. My parents got this doubt when we went overseas. She was not her best self ever since covid pandemic, but lately, it seems to be getting worse. My parents too are starting to get affected. I would just like to know how I could tackle her.
hey @lovelychange,
noticing changes in your grandma, and now seeing your parents getting affected too—feels like all of this is slowly building up around you, yah? that’s not nothing.
you used the word “tackle”… that one stuck out. maybe it’s not just frustration. maybe it’s your way of saying “i don’t know what else to do anymore”.
can i ask, when your parents noticed something was off, were you seeing it too? or did it only looked familiar later on?
and how are you coping when she gets difficult? do you leave the room? try to keep peace? or just kept quiet?
you don’t have to solve it right now. but maybe we can figure out which part hurts most to sit with.
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Hello, thank you for sharing your woes. I took experience this episode back in 2021 when my grandmother had dementia. I was not close to my grandmother at all not because we had feud or anything just that there wasn’t a common topic to share (we have a large age gap of 62 years). When she was diagnosed with dementia, my communication with her change. She keeps repeating herself for instance: I think there is an event at the community centre… when there isn’t. What’s worst is that she Sometimes sometimes would walk out of the house without informing us. Quite terrifying, I must say — what if she gets into an accident. I would be quite irritated because I was still trying to get into the flow of my revision and with these interruptions, I wasn’t fond of it. But I feel that it wasn’t her choice that she became demented. I approach her one day and ask her how she is. She just look at me with a blank look. I asked her if she wanted me to read a news article or a page from a book she nodded. Sometimes she would tell me her thoughts on the read and I would tell mine to her (at least I know she is exercising her cognitivity). Of course, she would repeat her stuff but from her I learned lots of patience and how to communicate as simply as I could. It’s never easy I must say but we love, patience and gentleness you would feel the time spent and skills honed from the conversation between a demented patient and you very fulfilling.
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Hi @lovelychange,
That sounds incredibly heavy. Navigating the emotional terrain of a loved one who may be experiencing both narcissistic traits and cognitive decline is deeply challenging - not just for you, but for your whole family. It’s painful to watch someone you care about change in ways that feel unfamiliar or even hurtful, especially when those changes affect how they relate to others. The pandemic has taken a toll on many older adults, and if dementia is part of the picture, it can amplify confusion, irritability, and even behaviors that resemble narcissism. Your awareness and concern already show a lot of emotional maturity - acknowledging the complexity without rushing to judgment.
When it comes to “tackling” her, maybe the goal isn’t confrontation but compassionate boundaries. It’s okay to protect your own emotional space while still showing care. Try to observe patterns - what triggers her, what calms her - and share those insights with your parents so you can support each other. If dementia is progressing, her behavior may not be entirely within her control, and that shift in perspective can help soften the frustration. You don’t have to carry this alone. Seeking guidance from professionals - like a geriatric psychiatrist or a dementia care specialist - could offer your family both clarity and relief. It’s important to get the opinion of a medical professional (such as the Memory Clinics within the polyclinics) so that you are able to better support your grandmother. You’re doing something brave by speaking up.
Some helpful resources:
Memory Clinics (in the polyclinics):
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
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Hello, thank you for sharing. I understand that taking care of your grandma may not be easy and your feelings are valid. Providing the support your grandma needs can be tough, you can consider the resources that the others have shared. Take care OP 
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Hey @lovelychange that sounds like such a tough situation, and I really feel for you. Watching a loved one change, especially when it might involve dementia can be incredibly confusing and emotionally draining. It’s totally valid to feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to handle it. It’s also understandable that your parents are feeling the strain . When one person in a family starts to decline, everyone around them feels it too. If possible, a medical evaluation could help clarify what’s going on. Dementia can sometimes amplify certain traits or cause new ones that look like narcissism but stem from fear or confusion. Keep checking in with your parents too; open communication can really help everyone stay grounded. And most importantly, be kind to yourself. This is a lot, and you’re doing your best just by showing up and trying to understand it.
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Yup, tackling does mean I have exhausted my ideas on managing her.
Actually, I noticed earlier than them but it just didn’t strike a chord of possible dementia symptoms. Behaviours that seemed normal in the past, became rather unmanageable lately. For example, we had to go to the registrar’s office pertaining reregistration of a heirloom. She was normal then but as we went visiting, she got over emotional. When my father advised her to be more emotionally composed, she started guilt tripping my father by the fact that the heirloom got reregistered under his name.
I minimise confronting her. Recently, the problem of her excessive iPad usage once again affected me. However, this time instead of struggling alone in a closed room, I literally opened the door so that my father who is on wfh, can be aware of this matter. BTW, he works from the hall.
And as usual, they advise me to respect her needs. But I wonder at what cost…
Thank You for replying!
Hey @Lovelychange,
it’s clear that you are concerned for your parents and respecting by listening to their advise. you are helping alot already and you are also doing your part by keeping the peace. i want you to know that your parents are in a good and better position to attend to your grandma.
Anyways, im sure that you would have probably found some reading materials too on how to attend to someone with dementia.
If you feel that you are ready, you can always speak to your parents to check-in on them and show your concern. am sure that your parents will appreciate having you looking out for them too. 
do take care of youself, and i want you to know that there are plenty of helpline to assist you. and posts shared by other members of the community… so you are not alone.
If you are comfortable, check in here from time to time so that we know you are keeping safe too.
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