This is an update to what I have posted last time specifically regarding more about relationships, so I started distancing myself from her as I felt like I got played when she wanted to talk and try and be friends again I blocked her, we didn’t talk for the past few months the only conversations was about the debt she owed me, fast forward to the present I asked if she wanted to talk in person which she agreed and we chatted until she told me about how she wanted to settle the debt fast so she could cut all contact, and then a topic was raised about what I did, she just suddenly said she didn’t want to have this conversation and just walked away, I kinda already accepted her wishes if she wanted to cut contact as I think I am in a better position than I was I don’t know if I have truly moved on but it did hurt a little bit when she said that also a few days we met up to collect things and she returned me a toy that we both spent money on that she wanted, she said that she had no heart to throw it out and I guess that hurt me? Maybe I’m just unsure of my feelings as I haven’t really experienced this at all but overall I think I am able to move forward, I am just a little sad about how I feel like she’s trying to erase me entirely
Hi user2481,
I hear you. I had the opportunity to also read your previous post. It’s only been a few months, yet from your sharing, I can tell that you are different, and in a better place. And I want to acknowledge that.
Whatever that you have experienced, and dealt with in the past few months, it sounds like there is more acceptance and maybe growth as a person and in relationship. Maybe you understand yourself better, understand people and relationships better. It sounded like it had been a challenging time, and yet it also seemed to blossom something beautiful within you. It’s amazing to be a witness to you. Thank you.
And I hear your sadness, but I also hear your care, longing and love. And what I am also sensing, is that you’re probably also sitting with this thing called grief. When someone we love is no more, or is gone or has changed. What we know of the world, it’s no longer the same. That is grief. Everyone grieves. And we all grieve differently.
I don’t have an answer for you. Because I trust that you already have an answer within. Maybe an invitation here is to feel and allow this sadness to move, just like how the rainbow comes after the rain. Perhaps a gift is waiting for you, if you simply allow yourself to be.
- Go into nature. Walk barefoot on the earth or sit beside flowing rivers.
- Sing your sorrow and joy.
Who you are, is shaped by every event that has happened to you, every person that you’ve met. The best parts of her and this relationship, you can carry with you, even if the person is no longer with us. Let this experience be a gift for you, and may you continue to be a gift and joy to the world.
Wishing you ease, love and deep healing,
Seektruth
I can’t help to think that I was a terrible person for what I did, I have been trying to be better the past few months but I don’t know if I have actually improved the only thing that I do for myself is mainly gymming although I am in a better physique than I was, I felt that this was only thing that I have honestly improved about myself
Hi user2481,
Great! If gymming and a better physique is where you are, celebrate! If you are not sure if you have actually improved, well my curiosity to you is, “were you aware of what you were working on”? How do you know whether you’ve improved, if you don’t know what you are looking for? Does this make sense?
My work focuses a lot on working on ourselves, because I believe when we work on us, then no matter what situation we find ourselves in, we are able to respond. Here’s a 4-step process that I’d like to invite you to practice, to help you build that awareness, and is something you can use as part of your reflection:
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What is one new thing you learnt about yourself?
- i.e. you learnt something about yourself that you didn’t know before this.
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What is one new realization you have about yourself?
- i.e. you have a different understanding about something that you did previously.
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Acknowledge and celebrate one thing you have done.
- acknowledging and celebrating is an important part of this process. If we don’t acknowledge and celebrate and update the way we see ourselves, we keep seeing ourselves as the same person of the past. That we are still the same person, making the same mistake. But we are not.
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Accept and let go of one thing you were not able to achieve.
- sometimes no matter what we do, there are certain things that are beyond our control. Practice acceptance, forgiveness and letting go. Take your time with this.
~~~
Lastly, I hear you. It feels like perhaps there is guilt, maybe shame for past actions. But user2481, everyone make mistakes. There will not be one person you meet that has yet to err, learning to forgive ourselves is also learning to forgive others. If you can’t forgive yourself today, you probably also notice it is hard to forgive others.
Rather than let guilt run your life, let love and forgiveness be the master instead. When you feel guilt or shame, you notice that you will respond and behave a certain way with people. Maybe you withdraw yourself, and deny others an opportunity to meet you, to know you and deeply connect with you. You also deny yourself the opportunity to really meet and know others.
And when you choose to come from a place of love, and forgive others and yourself. You will notice again that you behave differently around others. And others in turn will behave differently around you. Our thoughts are the creator of our experience, and our emotions is what draw people and events towards us, and repels them away from us. Don’t need to rush anywhere, or do anything. Stay with yourself for now, breathe, trust and allow.
Change is coming, allow and trust the process,
Seektruth