Hi,
I have been dealing with my emotions from outside stressors, like my family, friends and partner. Usually I would just rant to people if i’m feeling upset about a situation. Recently, my partner told me that I have been constantly find reasons to put myself down and the negativity that i am feeling is not only affecting me but also him. There was also a similar incident with my bestfriend about this kind of situation.
I am starting to wonder like, where did I go wrong? or isnt it normal to view yourself negatively when you are feeling upset at the moment? I know I shouldnt be hiding parts of myself or my struggles from people I love. However, I am feeling abit of uncertain on how can I rant without making them feel MY emotional burden.
Hello there @trustfulwatermelon9049. That’s a really thoughtful thing to reflect on, and it says a lot that you’re taking what your partner and best friend shared seriously rather than dismissing it.
On your worry about burdening people, I think the concern itself is healthy, but the solution isn’t to hide your struggles. It’s more about the shape of the conversation. A few things that might help:
Sharing what kind of support, you need upfront can make a big difference. Something like “I just need to vent, I’m not looking for advice” or “can you help me think through this?” gives the other person a role and makes the conversation feel less like it’s just landing on them.
It also helps to leave some space for the conversation to be two-way, even when you’re the one who needs support. Checking in with them after, or being curious about how they’re doing too, keeps the relationship feeling balanced over time.
The deeper pattern your partner noticed, finding reasons to put yourself down might be worth exploring more intentionally, perhaps with a counsellor or therapist. Not because something is broken, but because that kind of self-critical loop can be exhausting to carry, and there are real tools that help with it.
How long have you noticed this pattern in yourself?