TW MENTIONS OF SCIDE. Thinking abt it, not attempting
19 y/o ite graduate working rn while redoing o level math 
tbh i have no idea what the ■■ am i doing w my life. i feel like my depression is getting worse and i’m sinking deeper. working at a local biz fnb and i dh any complaints, boss v chill. but since i feel like im getting deeper in my depression my ability to upsell and serve customers is hindered, so my boss kinda advised me to try my best.
graduated ite last yr with an abysmal gpa, couldnt go to poly 
so i decided to retake my o level math after 4 years which in hindsight i shouldve done instead of going to ite
at this juncture of my life, so many people arnd me that ik are going to uni, studying, or working and i’m here, same age as them, basically part time employed and not in education. i genuinely dh any desire to do anyth anymore other than sit at home
i dunno if i should increase my med dose again, or i just quit. i don’t know what to do anymore. i feel so useless, idk where to go, idk what to do. idk what i’m even good at eh. even in sec sch i was ■■■■ in studies.
i’ve been thinking of ending it all, but the thought of my mum or my friends crying grounded me. i feel like i have no purpose anymore. i genuinely GENUINELY feel so damn lost i’m wasting my prime years being a depressed piece of ■■■■
so sorry for the mindless rant, thoughts are really messy rn. :///
Hey, @banatella
Thank you for taking your time to write in to let’s talk! It must have taken a lot from you to write this and put into words when everything feels really overwhelming right now.
I hear you are working and retaking a subject you struggled with while in the midst of managing depression and watching people around you on paths that looks like they are on track. That is a lot for someone to carry with them. I cannot imagine how exhausted and lost that made you feel.
To offer some perspective. I do not think you are wasting your prime years. You are 19, working and trying to fix something from your past. The path you are on may be harder and lonelier than the one you wish you were on, but that is not a wasted one.
I see that you are on medications. I do suggest you consult your doctor first before adjusting doses on your own. What you have shared with us here is really important information to share or raise this up with your doctor or psychiatrist. If you have not already, please do not hesitate to reach out to them soon
You do not have to go through this alone. I hope these resources here can be of help for you.
- Even though you mentioned that you are thinking about it and not attempting it, I also want to make sure you have somewhere to turn to if those thoughts are overwhelming. You can reach out to Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) at 1767 via call or WhatsApp at 9151 1767 they are available 24/7 and have counsellors who are trained in crisis related concerns
- Please reach out to your psychiatrist soon if you haven’t already. And if appointments are far away, and you are unable to wait, your nearest emergency room is something you can consider too