I am in my mid-30s and I feel like my friends are doing way better than me. They are building their families and their careers, and they all look so good. I got married last year and I am struggling to settle down with my husband - with have different views on starting a family. This have resulted in big fights. I get triggered when my relatives ask me when I am going to have children. They mean well, but it gnaws at me and drives a wedge between my husband and I. If I don’t have children - does it mean I am not successful and happy?
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this is such a real concern… i think everyone can have their own views about having children and there is no right or wrong!! can you think of any friends around you who are at the same lifestage as you and not having kids? can seek them out and exchange perspectives!! can also seek out friends with kids and ask them your questions, maybe youll find something that make sense for yourself!!!
for myself, i do envision myself wanting to have kids one dayyy, but i know now is not the right time for myself, as i am not yet ready to take on the responsibilities of properly caring for a kid yet. I wouldnt want to bring a life into the world and not be able to be there for him/her willingly, i feel any kids deserve wholehearted loving. so i am working towards being ready in this way soon. i shared this with my partner before and we had long discussions understanding each others’ perspectives.
if anything else, i wanna reassure you that you can be happy and successful regardless whether you become a mother or not. most imptly it is to have confidence that you thought things through and you have your genuine reasons for your choices, and to communicate or discuss that with your husband well~ im sure you and your husband have each other’s best intentions at heart and will be able to work towards a common goal 
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Hi @bikmin
Thank you for bringing this up very courageously. I believe you are facing pressure from societal expectations and comparisons. It may help for you to reframe how you define success. Your world view lens on success may differ from your relatives and friends and that is fully ok.
How do you define success? Perhaps you could reflect if it means :
- Personal fulfillment: Focus on individual goals, passions.
- Relationship growth: Nurture marriage, communication.
- Self-care: Prioritise well-being.
To address family planning disagreements, you may want to consider :
- Open communication: Share feelings, concerns with husband.
- Couples therapy: Professional guidance.
- Explore compromises: Consider alternatives (adoption, delayed parenting).
To manage relatives interfering into your life do consider :
- Boundary setting: Politely decline intrusive questions.
- Unified response: Coordinate answers with husband.
- Redirect conversations: Shift focus to shared interests.
Please know that you are not alone; many face similar struggles. Focus on nurturing your relationship, communication, and personal growth as a priority. 
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