DV, pregnant, abandoned & alone

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I don’t even know where to start, I’m new here.

So I apologize beforehand if I’m scattered. But, I need to vent.

On November 21st of last year, my fiancé got drunk & tried to strangle me. He attempted to stop my breathing & was fortunately unsuccessful. I put up a fight to get away even though he cornered me, but still I was screaming & trying to remind him that it was me & that I’m pregnant because it seemed as if he didn’t know who I was. His eyes went black. I was his target & he was an assassin is the only way I can describe how terrifying it was. He wouldn’t stop until he completed his mission & if it wasn’t for my 5 year old son bravely coming out of his bedroom from sleeping after he heard my screams, I might not be here. My 5 year old son was my hero by jumping on my fiancés back, punching him & telling him to stop & that was the only thing that made him, stop. I managed to crawl out from under him, grabbed my son & got away immediately to call the police. He was arrested & is pending charges at the moment.

No child should ever have to witness that, or save their parent from it & definitely not at 5 years old. I carry so much guilt & shame knowing that he did & that he saved my life, but I’m also forever in his debt for it.

Now here I am, pregnant & almost due with our baby that we planned, all alone now. Worst part is that I’ve had a high risk pregnancy & I will be having him early. I’m struggling with the fact that this is my reality now. I have no idea what to do.

So I’m considering adoption, but I don’t want to regret it. I feel like having this baby would only do me more harm than good in the end. As a mother already, I’m devastated to even have to make this decision. This isn’t what I imagined my life to be though. I don’t know what to do & I’m all alone, truly. I have no family, no support system, nothing. I’m so scared about what’s to come with postpartum as well after I have the baby, whether I decide to have him adopted or not. This has been the worst time in my life, so I’m just seeking advice, support, anything because I’m truly in need of some kind of answers. I can’t do this alone..

Thank you for reading. :frowning:

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Hi good evening

Sometimes I feel adandon and I have no one to talk to

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Dear @officiallychels

Thank you for reaching out to us. I am very glad you did; do know your post is well written, not scattered at all.

Reading your post, I feel how much you have gone through these past few months. It has been unexpected, traumatic and unsettling. Understandably you are feeling a mix of emotions, including guilt and worry.

Firstly, please know that what your fiance did is not your fault. His behaviour was wrong and irresponsible. What he did is not your doing. Your young son and you fully deserve safety, stability and security.

May I share that I have observed that when traumatic incidents happen, it can potentially impact us emotionally and physically, as well as affect our nervous system.

I thus believe it will be timely and helpful to explore trauma treatment for both your son and you to process what has happened. This will help to lessen any long-term impact on both of you.

It is also understandable that you are reviewing your options regarding the upcoming birth of your baby. What comes across to me from this is that you want to be a responsible parent and ensure the child has good quality care.

I feel that making the decision whether to put baby up for adoption or not is one of the hardest decisions to make as a parent. I therefore urge you speak to a counsellor soon to process this together with you.

I was searching for suitable resources and recommend you to approach your nearest family service centre and speak counsellors there soonest. They will listen non judgmentally and provide a safe space for you to process the trauma experienced and help you process next steps.

Do search for the nearest FSC by exploring this site: SupportGoWhere

Also the hospital doctors and nurses may be well placed to refer you to suitable post partum mental health support services available in the hospital.

Dear @officiallychels, please know there are competent and caring people available who are trained to help you as you navigate this challenging period in your life. You are not alone, so please reach out soon to benefit from good high quality care you deserve. Sending you warmth. Thank you for your courage.

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Hey @officiallychels, thank you for being so so vulnerable and sharing this. First of all, I want to say that you are so strong, and are such a good mother for realising the impact the situation must have had on your son. During hard times like this, please be kind to yourself, and even if you aren’t able to rely on family for support, please visit a counsellor and keep your doctors in the loop as I am sure they will be able to offer you some advice/support. Regarding your pregnancy, it seems like you have been contemplating your decision for a while. Ultimately, I believe that you know yourself best, and will make the decision that is right for you. Please remember that people are here for you :people_hugging: take care!