I can’t get things right the first time from education to relationships, I just feel that I’m always gonna end up like this whatever bad things that happened to me is my own doings, I just genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, my mind is just overthinking at night, I have lost interest in almost everything from things I enjoy, I’m just gonna be a failure for the rest of my life and it’s all my fault I messed up so hard, I had a thing with this girl last year for a period of time I was happy being with her till an incident happened which was mainly my fault I haven’t stopped blaming myself for it as that was the reason why it ended, I have apologised for what I have done and we kept in touch with each other, earlier today I told her how I felt again she said she couldn’t give me another chance as she said she wasn’t one to give people chances, I tried to convince her to give it some thought but she said the answer was still gonna be the same, now I’m just here being hurt and depressed at 330am blaming myself for everything, I’m sorry if some parts are random and irrelevant I’m really tired and I couldn’t sleep my mind is just constantly thinking about things right now.
Hey @user2481
It takes a lot of courage to talk about the things in life that don’t work out as you meant for it to be, thank you for sharing with us, I can tell it has been a very tough time for you. 
Sometimes we can be too harsh on ourselves, blaming ourselves for the mistakes that we’ve done in the past, no matter how small they are. I do not know about the incident that you mentioned, which you attributed most of the fault to yourself, but I would suggest perhaps you could think, were there other external factors that might have led to you doing what you did? You mentioned that this was your first time too, right? Doing something for the first time is not easy, and we are bound to make mistakes, simply because we didn’t know better.
But what’s important now is that we now know better. We know how we can avoid making the same mistakes again. You are not a failure — you’ve shown that you are willing to become a better person, from the fact that you’ve apologised to her and that you are actively self-reflecting.
So please don’t beat yourself up over it. Give yourself ample time to grief and get over her. Take things one step at a time: go out with friends, spend time with your family and take some time for healthy self-reflection. Celebrate the small wins in your life, and most importantly, have faith in yourself that you will learn from this experience and become a better person. Don’t feel afraid to talk about your feelings when they feel overwhelming; your family, friends and others here on let’s talk will be willing to lend you a listening ear. Take care of yourself, okay? I’m rooting for you! 
Dear @user2481
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can sense how heavy everything is for you right now. You’ve been carrying a lot, and it’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed — especially when it’s late at night and your thoughts won’t let you rest.
Please don’t be too hard on yourself for not getting things right the first time — whether it’s in school, relationships, or life in general. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re human. Nobody has it all figured out, and nobody gets through life without regrets or pain. What matters is that you’re trying, learning, and that you care — and that already speaks volumes about your strength.
I know you’re blaming yourself for what happened with her. It’s clear that you’ve taken responsibility and tried to make things right — and I know how painful it must be to not get the second chance you hoped for. Rejection from someone you care deeply about cuts in a way that few things do. But just because she couldn’t give another chance doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love or forgiveness — it simply means she’s made her own choice, and that doesn’t erase your growth or your intentions.
It’s also okay if things feel empty right now, if the things you once enjoyed feel far away. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re tired — emotionally, mentally, maybe even physically. Your mind is doing its best to cope with a lot of pain, and sometimes the way it reacts is by shutting things down. But that spark, even if it feels gone now, isn’t lost forever. I believe you can find your way back, little by little.
You’ve already survived so much — and just the fact that you’re still here, still talking about it, still trying — that’s a good start. Please don’t believe the voice in your head that says this is the end of the road for you. You are not a failure. You’re someone who’s hurting, and that’s not the same thing.
Be kind to yourself. Try to rest — not everything has to be solved at once. And when you’re ready, take it one small step at a time. There is a path forward for you. And you don’t have to walk it alone.
Please know that you are enough and you matter. And you’re going to make it ! Reach out here whenever needed. 
About the incident I’ve talked to some friends about it and got some opinions but it’s only from a male perspective I don’t have female friends to talk to about this, what happened was the day before the incident happened she told me she didn’t want to do anything intimate, but when she came over she kept trying to tempt me into doing things with her which I said no the first 2 times but after awhile I caved into and kept asking her which she also declined but I kept harassing her till she said yes but I realised too late that it was wrong so I didn’t do anything, the next day I apologised to her about it. I heard from a mutual friend that apparently she told her that tempting was meant to be a joke but at that point of time for me it didn’t felt like a joke there was nothing hilarious about it, I understand I bear accountability for harassing her but I just can’t stop thinking if she just didn’t try to tempt me that day everything would just be so much different I’m not justifying that my actions weren’t wrong, it is but it just that most of the interactions all started because of what she did and deep down I wished she would try to understand it from my perspective but I haven’t asked her about it, I do plan on doing it but I know my hearts still hoping that she would change her mind and give me another chance after explaining my side
Edit: I just remembered that when she tempted me I also said no twice but she kept doing it till I broke and caved into it.
Hi @user2481, thank you for sharing more about the incident. Reading through it, I can sense that it is affecting you very badly and you’re still hoping to mend the relationship.
From what you’ve described, it seems that it was a misunderstanding that led to her feeling uncomfortable by your actions. I can tell you didn’t harbour any ill intentions, and I affirm you for being brave enough to take responsibility for your mistake.
You seem to be looking to mend the relationship, and I empathise with you. But at the end of the day, a relationship is a two-way street; if she chooses to leave, you can’t force her to stay.
You don’t deserve to be shackled to your past, wondering about all the what-ifs and small details about the relationship. Sometimes, it is better to close the door on this chapter of your life, and embrace what lies ahead of you. Only you can give yourself closure; only you can forgive yourself for your mistakes; and only you can give yourself permission to move on.
The process of moving on will be tough and gruelling, but that’s okay. I know you would want to talk to her, but give yourself the necessary time and space alone to heal. These one-time experiences do not define you and make you a failure. We all make mistakes, and being willing to learn from it and become a better person is the first step towards success.
Don’t be afraid to reach out here if you need any support, okay?
Hey @user2481. Thank you for opening up something so personal and painful. It’s not easy to sit with everything you’re feeling let alone put it into words. That takes more strength than most people realize. I can sense the pain, guilt, confusion and exhaustion all written into your words, and I just want to say that it’s okay to not have all the answers right now. You’re someone who clearly cares deeply and is trying to make sense of something painful and complicated.
It sounds like this experience has left you stuck in a cycle of self-blame. And while it’s important to take responsibility (which you’re already doing), it’s just as important to understand that healing isn’t about punishing yourself forever. You’re allowed to regret, learn and still grow into a kinder, more self-aware version of yourself.
What I admire is how you’re holding space for both accountability and complexity. You’ve reflected, apologized, and how you’re wondering what to do with the ache that’s left. That takes guts.
I hear you when you say, “I messed up so hard.” But I also want to gently remind you that no one becomes better by staying stuck in shame.
Perhaps, if you’re ready, instead of asking whether she’ll forgive you, maybe ask: What would forgiveness look like from me, for me? Not to forget what happened, but to grow beyond it.
You’re still here, still trying, still showing up. And that means a lot, that your story isn’t over.
You deserve support while navigating all this. Be gentle with yourself.
One day at a time, okay? 
hi @user2481 ,
Thank you for sharing something so personal. I’m really sorry you’re going through this right now. You are clearly overwhelmed and under stress.
You are not a failure! As humans, it is okay to mess things up, that is part of the learning process in life! What matters is most what you do after. Taking accountability, being responsible, and committing to doing better going forward is how growth happens. If she still choses to reject you, then it may be time to give her some personal space. This could be good for your mental well-being, as well as for her to re-evaluate how she should approach you in the future. Giving her space can also show her that you are respecting her and learning from your mistake.
Healing is a slow and painful process, but it gets better week by week. Take care of yourself! 
Hello @user2481
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way right now. You’re going through something incredibly heavy, and it’s clear you’re in pain and trying to make sense of it all. That takes a lot of strength.
You’re not failing. You’re hurting. There’s a difference. You’re clearly someone who reflects deeply on their actions and wants to do better.
It’s incredibly human to want to make sense of why things went wrong, and the easiest answer is almost always, “Because I messed it up.” But that’s the part of you that’s hurting talking , not the whole truth. You took responsibility for what you did. You apologized. You reached out. You didn’t run from the mess. That matters. You’re not someone who throws things away and walks off. You’re someone who cares deeply.
You are not a failure. You’re someone who’s in pain, who’s learning, who’s trying. And that makes you such a strong person. Take care of yourself and hang in there, better days are coming!
Looking back I think we rushed into doing intimacy things too quick, even though she imitated it after 2 days of me confessing I blindly agreed with it, I think we should have just taken the time to know each other more and our stance on this topic
Hi @user2481,
Thanks for being so open. It really takes a lot of courage to share what you’re going through, especially when everything feels so heavy. I’m sorry you’re carrying so much pain and exhaustion right now.
It makes sense that your mind races after everything with the relationship and how it ended. When things we care about don’t go the way we hope, it’s normal to blame ourselves and keep replaying it. But sometimes, our minds get stuck in stories that aren’t the whole truth — and those stories can keep us trapped in pain longer than we need to be. Mistakes don’t define who you are. You’ve been really honest with yourself, taken responsibility, and learned some important things. Maybe you can try being a little gentler with yourself, too — it’s okay to be human and take your time to heal and grow.
You said you feel like a failure and that things never go right the first time. That’s a tough place to be, but it’s also a very human feeling — many of us have been there, feeling like the weight of everything is on our shoulders. We all mess up sometimes; what matters is that you’re thinking about it and trying — that shows real strength.
When things hurt, it’s easy to forget the good stuff. Can you think of any small moments that challenge that belief? Maybe a time you helped someone or got through something hard. Even little wins like that can help.
If you want, you can share those here or just write them down somewhere to remind yourself when things get tough.
I know it feels overwhelming, but you’re not alone in this — even when it feels that way. Thanks for sharing — you never know who else might read this and feel less alone too.
Take care. 