Feeling conflicted about my first job

[bluebell]

I’ve just started working my first job after graduating from poly. It’s only been 5 days of work and I already feel like this job is not for me and I feel like quitting. It’s an admin job in a retail environment and it doesn’t match my strengths and future goals. The job requires someone who is meticulous and precise but I made quite a few careless mistakes in my work so far. I understand that making mistakes is common in a first job and there’s a learning curve, but I wonder if this is a worthwhile challenge or not? Even if I challenge myself and become more careful and accurate with my work, I feel like this isn’t the “right” challenge for me, I mean it’s not the growth direction I want if that makes sense?

My first day was actually pretty good, friendly coworkers and there’s training provided, but I felt a little disengaged when doing the tasks. I thought maybe it’s too early to tell, it’s only my first day after all. But even today, I still felt disengaged even though they teach me something new each day. My boss and coworkers also encouraged me to ask more questions, but it’s difficult to even think of questions to ask when I don’t have interest in the tasks. Furthermore, there’s a lot of procedures and details to remember which I find difficult to retain when I’m disengaged.

I shouldn’t have accepted an admin job in the first place. My experience working in accounting/admin for my ITE internship told me so, and I disliked the tasks. Even though my ITE accounting results were good (managed to get into poly), I didn’t enjoy my internship, the assigned accounting and admin tasks were different from what I’ve studied, I felt so strongly against it that I decided not to continue pursuing an accountancy course despite my good results and chose a humanities course instead, which aligns more with my strengths and interest. I also enjoyed my poly internship more, I was a research assistant intern and took on psychology projects which I found to be super interesting.

Now I’m starting to doubt my decision. I feel stupid for accepting this job so quickly. My mom said there’s no rush looking for a job but I was desperate as I heard about how difficult it is for fresh grads to find jobs in this current job market. I found it 2 months after graduation and accepted the offer late July and started mid August. As it was near my house too, I stupidly accepted it despite the longer working hours and poor benefits.

Idk if I should quit this job and look for something that aligned with my strength and future career goals. It’s a tough decision to make imo because it isn’t easy to find jobs nowadays (I was very lucky that I landed this job, it was my first interview too), my coworkers are nice and I can tell my boss wants me to succeed. However, I also think that if I stay, my feelings likely won’t change and I wouldn’t be able to learn anything much (the tasks are quite similar to my ITE internship actually, just more complicated). I don’t know if I should stay and try to accumulate some experience first, or quit and look for something that aligns more with my strengths (especially while I still have the status of fresh grad).

Finally, thank you for taking your time to read this! I’ve been feeling anxious and sick with stress and anxiety these past few days, experienced physical symptoms such as reduced appetite, nausea, and muscle soreness (having to help with some retail work too). Although my coworkers are friendly, I don’t understand where the anxiety comes from. Would appreciate any reply!

[CozyCompanion]

Hello, thank you so much for opening up and sharing how you’ve been feeling it’s incredibly brave of you to reflect on your experience so honestly, especially so early in your first job. It’s completely valid to feel the way you do, and you’re not alone in this.

It makes a lot of sense that you feel disengaged and unsure if this job is a worthwhile challenge. Even though mistakes are common in any new role, especially in the first few weeks, it’s also important to recognise that personal growth doesn’t only come from pushing through, it also comes from knowing what aligns with your values, strengths, and long-term goals. And from what you shared, this job doesn’t seem to align with those things.

You’re clearly very self-aware. The fact that you’re recognising early signs, disengagement, stress, even physical symptoms, shows that you care deeply about your future and are thoughtful about the steps you take. That takes a lot of maturity and strength.

It also makes total sense why you accepted the job quickly. The job market is tough, and when something came up that was convenient and felt secure, you naturally took it. That doesn’t make you stupid, it makes you human, and your decision was logical given the circumstances. Be kind to yourself.

You mentioned enjoying your poly internship as a research assistant in psychology, maybe that’s a good signal to explore roles that lean into research, analysis, or areas of psychology that spark your curiosity. These could give you a greater sense of purpose and motivation.

In the meantime, if you’re unsure whether to quit or stay, it might help to speak with a career coach. They can help you map out your options, especially while you’re still considered a fresh grad.

Also, your physical symptoms are valid signs that your body is reacting to prolonged stress. If these continue, please consider seeing a GP or mental health professional. Your well-being matters so much more than any job.

You’re doing your best and that’s already a huge achievement. You absolutely deserve a job where your skills, interests, and future goals are valued and nurtured. Whatever decision you make, trust that it’s part of your growth journey.

You’ve got this!

[FuYuan_Affections]

hey @bluebell!

congrats on your first job!

it sounds like you’re caught in that odd space where the job feels hard but not the kind of hard you want. five days in and already the admin details drain you, even though your results prove you can handle them. that mismatch itself can feel overwhelming.. like, is this struggle worth it if i don’t care about the outcome?

and yet, i hear you also enjoyed research work before, where the challenge was different… psychology projects, thinking and analysing, which still needed patience and carefulness but in a way that felt alive to you. so maybe it’s not that you can’t do admin, it’s that the setting doesn’t connect to your real interest.

just sharing when i remembered my first job… sometimes the first job isn’t just about the tasks, but about picking up other muscles and co-working skills, like…taking instructions, managing deadlines, getting used to team rhythms. those exposures aren’t wasted even if the content feels misaligned.

what i wonder is… if you think of this job as a temporary practice ground to grow those exposure skills, does it feel a bit lighter? or does it still feel like you’re dragging yourself into the wrong direction?

it probably sounds like you are very worried about getting caught in the wrong race, and you think that you are falling behind? in school you proved you can handle details, but at work it’s not just about ability, it’s about managing pressure, routines, and how your body feels doing them every day.

and even in research, which you enjoyed more, there’s still discipline and admin-type skills needed … the difference is that the purpose excites you, so the details feel worth it.

for now, maybe just notice this: you’re not failing, you’re learning which muscles you want to grow. when you picture yourself staying here a bit longer, what happens inside your body? and when you picture leaving to search again, what happens then?

[bluebell]

Reading what you’ve shared, I just thought of something! I’m probably disengaged from the job as the tasks are too similar to my accounting/admin internship, and I feel like I’m not really learning anything new, just applying my experience in a different context, but having more details to deal with.

The industry is quite niche, I’m learning how to use their industry specific software for keying accounting records, which can be quite confusing to use sometimes. I also have to understand a bit about their industry which is actually quite interesting. However, I really dislike looking at numbers all the time, especially on the computer and being precise is crucial.

It feels strange that I enjoyed learning accounting but dislike the work haha, but it could be that I’m a theoretical person, I enjoy learning about theories and accounting theories can be quite interesting. But the real work feels more like administrative paperwork and data entry which I dislike. That’s probably another reason why I enjoy research, it is theoretical in nature, and I don’t mind handling admin-type tasks in this area.

When I picture myself staying in this job longer, well I think the biggest reason I would stay is because of the people, my coworkers and boss are nice and friendly people, but I also feel guilty if I decide to leave as they have already invested time and resources training me. It’s only been 1 week, I already feel guilty about having this thought. Although it might be too early to tell, I don’t think I can learn many new skills in this job? Like I mentioned, the tasks are very similar to my internship and it’s just a different context, a full-time responsibility, more challenging in terms of learning the industry, software, and having to be more meticulous.

When I picture myself leaving to search again, I imagine there’s a new set of challenges involved, such as the difficulty to find jobs in this current market, especially humanities/research related jobs might be harder to find compared to accounting/admin jobs. Additionally, there is also the risk of entering a new environment, whether my coworkers are nice or not (though I’ve been fortunate so far, the people I’ve met in my two internships and this job are nice and friendly). But this could be an exciting opportunity too, I can find a job more suitable for me. If I managed to find a research job, it would be very helpful in pursuing a degree in psychology, which is one of the degrees I’m considering for part-time uni

I’m thinking of utilizing the ECG services of my poly. It feels so confusing really!