Recently, I feel very disrespected by my immediate family. Here’s why:
- Since secondary school, I feel my needs being trivialised. I was forced to settle down for lower and lower standards, be it in terms of grades, and even my study environment at home. The results of their actions were clear, as it affected my grades. The best part was every time, my end of year results were out, I was made to believe that I was the problem.
- In poly, it became easier for my family to manipulate me. They could easily convince me that studying at home was not going to be a feasible option. I complied by studying 4 hours at the library each day. The thing is my study environment was not the only thing that influenced my grades, but also my study resources , for example , my laptop. My laptop could only run some of the apps required for engineering course. So even though, buying a MacBook would often be seen as a good choice, it wasn’t for me. Half the time I had to use my windows 7 to work on my projects and assignments.
- In uni, my family tried to make things better for themselves, by insisting that I should study in campus as it would be more conducive for me. Here’s the thing. Unlike other unis, my uni just had 3 contact hours per day for four days in a week. Plus, uni is located quite far away from my house. Plus, it doesn’t have good food options for vegetarians like me. The best part, is that they said they were willing to prepare meals on a daily basis, which I can take to school. the funny thing is, both my poly and secondary school were just down the same road as my house. Even then, I couldn’t stay at school for long hours to study
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Now my aunt, uncle and cousin have come over from overseas for the holidays. Unlike before, when we did fun things together, the only thing I do with them is to be a tour guide. That’s not a problem if I have no other commitments over the holidays, but this time, I have commitments. So, I had to reinstate my stance several times, that I have got work at hand, which required my attention. That worked out well, because, I could seemingly convince them that I am busy. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t guilt free.
As Ive said before, I share my room with my grandmother. She has become rather immobile, so be it retrieving her water bottle, phone or glasses from different places, has to be done by someone. In that case, she cannot even sit for long durations in the hall, because of her back pain. I can understand that, but the thing is I cannot compromise on my health and focus too. So, this time my whole family crowds my room and talk for hours as I work on my laptop. My aunt and cousin are more emotionally intelligent than others in my family, so they could at least, acknowledged the inconvenience. But they didn’t want to force my gran to spend more time in the hall, so you can guess what happened…
Don’t worry, I reiterated my hustle once again, so they became more “mindful”.
The thing is that, I feel my family members cannot spare a thought for me. They are just seeing me as a psychological punch bag, who doesn’t complain, or rather, shouldn’t complain, and accept things as it is. The message they got through to me, reality is hard.
Actually, it’s not about reality that’s hard, but rather, my needs are trivial compared to theirs.
But don’t worry, I’m assured that I ain’t asking for much, thanks to the midline community!
