Huh, recently it seems like life is more daunting than ever.
Everyone has problems, but I feel that I have to deal with too many others problems along with mine. It’s just as though everyone can just occupy my headspace but I can’t occupy their’s. Here’s why…
Recently, when I requested my grandma to lower the volume of her device when she was in the bedroom, where I also study, a drama sort of unfolded. She went yapping about how during her time, they lived in a smaller house with even fewer resources, but they could peacefully coexist. But now I seem to be fussing even with so many resources under my belt. Like, come on… times have changed.
Firstly, they didn’t have so many devices in the house back in those days. My grandma herself has 2 personal devices which she uses during her leisure time. My parents and sister each have their own set of devices.The best part is that they each use their devices at a volume that is audible to an extent from my study room even with noise cancelling ear buds!! (ps our house is rather small).
With this being the case, I don’t know if I am the problem. I can’t seem to travel to and from the library to study as I did in the past as I am currently feeling much more tired. I can’t stay in school to study as it is rather far away from home, so I cannot afford to study for long durations.
Hello welcome back, @lovelychange! It’s been a while
Yeah I feel you about having to deal with other people’s problems. It’s not easy. I used to stay in a small house as well and the distractions are aplenty. It was virtually impossible to get quiet time to study because the adults in the house would be screaming at one another all the time (for nothing!) I’ve grown to realize that it’s just their style of communication and I just can’t do anything about it. I don’t want to add on to the noise so I just did my studies at the nearby McDonald’s.
I hear you that school and library may not be the best places to study. Are there other places nearby your house that you can consider?
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences. I can see that you are motivated to study which is a great first step.
Currently through no fault of yours, you are finding it very challenging as family members are not understanding that you need less noise to better focus on studies. Your frustration about the less than conducive home environment is valid and understandable. There seems to be an impasse at the moment- though you have tried to explain your needs to your grandma, she has not been cooperative.
Empathize with yourself
Recognize your needs which are:
Quiet space for studying.
Respect for boundaries.
Understanding for your limitations.
Consider some of these Communication strategies
Calmly explain your needs to your family. Engage your parents and sister to negotiate quiet times. For example you could explain that you have an exam next week so can they help keep the noise down till then?
2.Use “I” statements: “I need quiet to focus.”
Discuss alternative study spaces (local libraries, nearby community centre)
Arrange with a school mate to study online together and put on your headphones to enhance focus and reduce distractions.
Schedule the more focused study period when the home is quieter, for example in the mornings.
Self-care
Prioritise rest and relaxation to address fatigue.
Engage in activities rejuvenating your mind and body.
Seek support from friends, peers, or a therapist.
Please do not be discouraged, know that your needs matter and that you are not the problem. Do take tiny steps to communicate your needs to your family members. Strive to improve the situation daily and work out an arrangement that facilitates a good outcome for everyone in the shared space. You can do this!
It sounds like you’re really feeling rather overwhelmed with the situation right now, and I’d like you to know that it’s completely valid. Balancing your own studies along with the dynamics of family life can be tough, especially when it seems like everyone has their own needs and habits that impact your space. It’s frustrating when you’re trying to focus and there’s noise all around you, and it can feel isolating when you feel like others don’t quite understand your perspective.
Your feelings about your grandma’s comments and the differences in how times have changed are valid. It’s true that technology and lifestyles have evolved, and that can create challenges when trying to find a peaceful study environment at home. It’s also important to recognize that every generation faces its own sets of struggles, even if they look different from one another. It’s okay to seek out solutions that work for you, like finding a way to communicate your needs respectfully.
Maybe there could be a way to compromise, or even establish specific times for quieter study periods that could work for everyone. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and academics, especially when you’re feeling tired and need to adapt your study habits. You’re doing your best in a tough situation, and that’s what really matters.
The thing is that, the commute to and from school is tiring. I have explored the option of studying after lessons at school, but it has turned out to be rather inconvenient. As such, I am just trying my very best to study from home with the resources that are available. At the end of the day, health matters, you see…
Damn that sucks [quote=“lovelychange, post:1, topic:18990”]
requested my grandma to lower the volume of her device when she was in the bedroom, where I also study, a drama sort of unfolded.
[/quote] Old folks can be rather emo immature >: and alw compare unfairly to the last time stuff. Im not a student anymore, but my old man would be dismantling junks loudly when we watching tv. Since he stopped working fulltime in 2019 it has sucked.
I also feel the added anxiety that unsafe to tamper stuff but of course the old alw have lots of BS to justify. So even if my wkplace has options WFH i wouldn be able to = =
[quote=“lovelychange, post:1, topic:18990”]
She went yapping about how during her time
[/quote] That cant be right, coz kampung days houses and space much bigger lah! more nature, fewer humans. Would yr fam be willing to help u explain to her? Like some ppl are just naturally able to get thru to the greys.
umm thats what another friend suggest. Eh but long term loud music going to cause hearing damage no? Ive gotten some cushion earphones, in morn i listen to the funny class95, love their jokes.
Well, I guess I have used up the expertise that they had to offer. I have since been emphasising in full swing, re-iterating every now and then the importance of having a conducive space for study and sleep. To be frank, I have come to a point that I have ran out of puff trying to emphasise my point. Not too long ago, my gran was comparing me with my cousin who is of the same age, about how he is gonna finish Uni, whereas I am just in Y1 this year. All I could do, was cry . Not because of peer pressure, but of disgust - of the terrible attitude of theirs.
The thing is, I have come to the point of not expecting any form of support from them. All I need is emotional space more than anything. To be frank, the intervention of my extended family wrt this matter has caused a rift in the relationship I have with them too.
TBH, I don’t really care about whatever they say or do to me. It seems to have gone beyond a point of return. The thing is that I ought not to spare them anymore space in my mind. So, I’m following my idol, Elsa from frozen, by letting go totally.
The thing is that, I have been able to identify this treatment as abnormal, which is already the first step to regaining sanity. Beyond that, I have taken steps actively to resolve this matter to my bestest capabilities. Now, I can safely say that I have done my part. Now it’s Self-care time!
Actually, I too turn to the radio for positive vibes. Honestly, it has been helpful in warding away all the nasty emotions that play on loop. I would say the radio is better than listening to music on any random music streaming platform cos it is rather regulated , won’t really make you feel lonely and hence serving as a positive reinforcement. I have gotten so accustomed to the radio schedule in 987 to the point that I can even predict who’s playing the song as soon as I listen to it. @Fenrispro am I right to say that you like the show Muttons in the morning on class 95?
It’s like I am spreading the word on the powers of the radio.
Comparisons suck, everyone of us succeeds at own pace. I can relate, when i couldn get into Nus as my As not good, the folks were comparing how other ppl they knew were so and so ;(
Yea i would cry too, its ok to let it out. Thats true, best not to expect any form of emo support from them. Have u research abt emo immature adults? It doesn change them but can help us get perspec. Some could be Bpd-- over the yrs ive seen a few counselors asked them, that the old gen have Bpd but in denial. I cant stand them, coz once had a horrible “classmate” spamming me for nth.
What is wrt? Im not familiar with all shortforms Someone suggested is there alt to study areas, like other libraries? Or cafes? I know u mentioned commuting to those places far.
Anyw we see yr effort its not easy but u have identified yr coping.
Well ever since I felt unusual about the situation at home, I have been researching so much about it. I unknowingly set my hands for psychology related books even in the bookstore!
‘wrt’ stands for with respect to.
The harsh reality is that I still have to deal with them. However, I take it as an opportunity to “get what I need the most” which is support. Like they say, if u can’t get it, you have to take it.
I am a Gen Z native. I actually took this problem as an Opportunity to revive my love for radio. As you said, mostly millennials are the ones listening to radio. Most importantly I needed some positive vibes to function which can’t really be obtained through listening to music on Spotify and YouTube. Honestly, I won’t be exaggerating if I were to say, I have gotten so far only by listening to the radio.
I see. Oh ive not used spotify… I just see utube and get some songs to download to my playlist mp3. For me, other than the emo immature behav, the jerk has bad habit of accumulating clutter, repairing stuff that long obsolete >: (i made a topic abt this) Having little emo suppt is hard, hm but if ppl dun have junk keeper sort of fam, i think luckier than me
Like, come on… times have changed.
. Not because of peer pressure, but of disgust - of the terrible attitude of theirs.
Someone suggested is there alt to study areas, like other libraries? Or cafes? I know u mentioned commuting to those places far.
