I don’t know why I’ve been overly competitive ever since I started uni. I’ve been getting good grades but when I see my friends studying, I feel threatened(?). Like I’m happy when good things happen to them but at the same time, I can be so harsh on myself. I have thought “I should be studying that too” and feel stressed that I’m not at the same pace as them. Is this normal? How can I stop these feelings and thoughts?
Hi @han.gyudon ,
Thank you for sharing what you’re experiencing — it’s completely normal to feel this way, especially when you’re in an environment where success is constantly on display. What you’re describing sounds like you’re caught between feeling happy for your friends’ success and feeling the pressure to keep up, which can be overwhelming.
It seems like you’re being someone who feels your value is tied to how well you can compete or keep up with others. You’re being harsh on yourself, pushing yourself to maintain pace ahead of your friends, even though you’re already doing well. This constant comparison might be making you feel inadequate, even when there’s no reason to be. You’re not giving yourself the space to just be where you are in your own journey.
You might need to step back and ask yourself: What do I truly value? What would it feel like to focus on your own progress and the process of how far you have come, rather than staying ahead of your friends? Everyone’s academic journey is different, and how yours has progressed is just as valid as anyone else’s. Success can be multifaceted in both outcome and output, and it doesn’t always come from keeping up with others.
The stress and pressure you’re feeling are real, but they don’t define you. These feelings are a natural response to your environment, but they don’t reflect your actual worth. Try practicing self-compassion by recognizing that you are doing well, and remind yourself that success isn’t a race. Can you think of any small achievements recently that you haven’t given yourself credit for?
- Shift Your Focus: Instead of comparing your progress to others, can you focus on setting personal goals for yourself? You’ve mentioned that you’re doing well academically, so what would it look like to celebrate your own milestones and have you enjoyed it?
- Practice Self-Compassion: Every time you feel stressed or harshly critical of yourself, take a moment to pause and reflect on how far you’ve come. Acknowledge that it’s okay to go at your own speed and that your progress doesn’t need to match anyone else’s.
- Acknowledge the Complexity of Success: You’re achieving great things academically, but remember that everyone’s success looks different. Maybe your friends are studying differently, but that doesn’t mean you’re not doing enough. What would it feel like to focus on what you want to achieve without worrying about others?
By practicing these steps, you’ll be able to shift from focusing on what others are doing to recognizing your own journey and achievements. It’s a process, but self-compassion and reflection will help you find peace with where you are.
I hope this resonates with you, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you’re feeling about all of this.