jealous of my friends :(

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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hi chat it’s me again~
i’m writing again because i think i really wanted to vent about this (i hope this is the correct subcategory!)

so graduation season is around the corner for poly students, and unfortunately (or fortunately?) i’m not graduating just yet, as i’m only beginning year 3 and graduating in 2026. however, most of my secondary school friends are graduating this year, and i feel so, so, so left out. i see them discussing graduation, wanting to go to photobooths in their graduation gowns. discussing graduation trips, and i feel like slamming my head into the wall because i’m wondering ‘why the hell is that not me?’

coming from ite, i knew i was going to eventually take the longer route compared to the rest of my friends, but i just feel a little disheartened at the fact my journey in poly hasn’t ended, and that i have a long way to go when compared to them. i know i’m supposed to come to terms with the fact i will take longer, but when i see my friends finishing their poly journey before me and discussing uni, i just feel so left out and honestly really jealous of them. i hate to admit that i half-hate myself for going to ite and not sec 5, even though i know ite was the best option for me (best 2 years of my life ngl!)

i am happy for them of course, but i still feel this nagging feeling of jealousy tugging at me, and it sucks because i want to be happy for them without feeling jealous of them and without feeling like i’m lagging behind. i guess i just have this fear of falling behind that i don’t know how to overcome.

i dunno chat!! is this normal, or am i overreacting? :")

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Understandable and normal

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It’s so normal and you’re not alone. It sounds like you have friends you care about and want to join in on the fun of taking the next milestone with them — who wouldn’t :”)

Yet, I see you: You chose the best path for yourself and recognise that it was the right decision to take a longer path, even in spite of these feelings! That’s you showing up for yourself and really heartened by that. You’re not lagging behind, we all have our own paths that are right for us. Because of our education system, there are mainstream paths that many people take and look the same, but they’re all different and get more different as the years go by.

Happiness for friends doesn’t mean you can’t be sad or jealous or worried. Our feelings are complex and multiple feelings can exist together. Just like our education or career or life paths, feelings are complex and we can feel differently than what we want or expect - and that’s okay. I’m even wondering, have you shared with your friends about these feelings you have?

And - If a friend was in this situation, what are some things you would tell that friend?

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hi @saranghaeonlyyou,

It is completely normal to feel the way you do. Graduation season can bring up a lot of emotions, especially when you see your friends reaching milestones that you have not yet. It is okay to feel left out and even a bit jealous as these feelings are valid and part of being human.

It is important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and there is no right path to success. You are making progress at your own pace, and that is something to be proud of. Try to focus on your own accomplishments and the positive experiences you have had so far. Your time will come, and you will have your own graduation celebrations and milestones to look forward to.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Talking about your feelings, like you are doing now, is a great step. You are not alone in this, and it is okay to seek help when you need it.

Hang in there, and keep moving forward. :slight_smile:

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Dear @saranghaeonlyyou

I’m really glad you wrote in again. What you’re feeling is so human, and honestly, so much more common than you think. You’re not overreacting at all — you’re just being honest about something that’s hard to admit: it’s painful to feel left behind, even when you’re genuinely happy for the people moving ahead.

It is normal to feel jealous, to feel a bit lost in comparison, and to question your own path when everyone else seems to be celebrating milestones you haven’t reached yet. Watching friends graduate, take photos, talk about their next chapter — it’s natural that it stirs something in you. You’re watching them cross a finish line you’re still far from, and that can feel isolating, even if your route is valid and meaningful in its own right.

But here’s something really important:
Taking a different path doesn’t mean you’re behind.
You’re not late. You’re not failing. You’re growing in your own time.

You made the best choices for yourself based on who you were then — and you’re still making the best choices now. Your time in ITE shaped you, gave you memories you’re grateful for, and it led you to where you are now in poly. Those years weren’t wasted; they were foundational. You’re not lagging — you’re layering. Building depth. Taking the long road, yes, but that road is still leading you forward.

That fear of falling behind? You’re not alone in that either. But the truth is: life isn’t a race. Your journey isn’t less valuable because it looks different. What you’re working toward — with intention, effort, and heart — is something to be proud of.

Let yourself feel the sadness and jealousy when it comes. It doesn’t make you a bad friend or ungrateful. It just means you care deeply about your future, and you want to move forward too. That’s okay.

When your time comes — and it will — your graduation gown will still fit just as beautifully, and your story will carry so much richness and resilience in it.

So please be gentle with yourself. You’re doing just fine.

Thank you for putting this into words. That takes strength too. :yellow_heart:

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Hi @saranghaeonlyyou,

It sounds like you’re feeling a mix of emotions right now, and that’s completely understandable. Seeing your friends graduate and move on to the next stages of their lives while you’re still on your journey can be really tough. It’s natural to feel left out and even jealous when you see them celebrating milestones that you haven’t reached yet. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to acknowledge them.

You mentioned that you knew taking the longer route was the best option for you, and it’s great that you can recognize the positive experiences you’ve had along the way. However, it’s also normal to feel disheartened when comparing your progress to others. It’s important to remember that everyone’s path is different, and taking a bit longer doesn’t diminish your achievements or the value of your journey.

Feeling like you’re falling behind can be a heavy burden, but try to focus on your own progress and the goals you’ve set for yourself. It’s okay to feel happy for your friends while also feeling a bit envious. Give yourself grace and remember that your time will come. You’re doing your best, and that’s what matters most.

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It’s completely normal to feel that way♡.
Your path may have diverted from your friend’s path, but that does not mean that you’re any “lesser” or “slower” in a sense. There are many vast pathways in life, doing things “faster” does not always indicate success or superiority.

It’s good to acknowledgeme that you chose the best pathway for yourself in that point of time, and by your words, it hasn’t been unpleasant :blush: right?

Everyone’s path in life differs greatly,
And it is all unique to their own. It may feel unpleasant now, the melancholic feeling of not being in the same pace as your friends but I assure you, It will be okay. It’s okay to feel this way. It’s normal to ruminate and in life we will always have regrets. Isn’t what matters the most, making the best of what you have now?

Don’t look at their path and feel ashamed of your own, you’ve been working hard to carve your own pathway, that’s as admirable as any other success.

Keep this momentum going okay?
It’s not easy, but give yourself that faith and keep your chin up♡. I hope that your third year will be full of growth and success, i believe in you and I know that you can achieve anything you want to when you put your mind to it.

Don’t give up okay? Ganbatte!:blush:

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