My family is the traditional kind, in a way that we don’t share our feelings or get it addressed. We do spend time together like for celebrations and have conversations here and there. As long as I can remember, we don’t engage in deep conversations, and only happy things are shared. Whenever it’s something heartfelt or emotional, it gets brushed off and replaced with other topics. Recently, we loss our beloved relative, someone who is very close to us. Her passing has affected me, mentally and physically. However, no one in the family talks about it and everyone seems fine. They are back at their usual routine but I can’t seem to get hold of myself. I find myself emotional, unable to focus and at times unmotivated to work. I’m tired, very confused and lost of what I should with my current situation.
Dear @user6346
Thank you for reaching out and sharing about the recent loss. Please know that anyone of us who have lost a loved one can immediately identify with the grief response you are feeling. Undeniably, the loss hurts.
I have observed that losing someone close can affect concentration, energy, motivation, and emotions in waves, and there is no “right” timeline for when you’re supposed to feel ok again. What you shared is therefore identifiable and relatable.
I have also noticed that for families where emotions aren’t openly talked about, grief often becomes something people carry quietly. That doesn’t mean others aren’t affected; it may simply be how they’ve learned to cope. Still, it can feel deeply isolating when your pain has nowhere to go.
May I encourage you to speak to a counsellor as I see it as a safe and non judgmental outlet for you to process your grief at your own pace.
You don’t have to force yourself to function as if nothing happened. Talking about the person you lost, how their absence feels, or simply naming that you’re not okay can be grounding. If your work or daily functioning is being affected, that’s a strong sign you deserve support, not pressure to move on.
Your feelings matter, and it’s ok to take the time you need to address your pain, and to grieve. Please treat yourself with self compassion you deserve. Sending you warmth and care.
Hey @user6346. Thank you for sharing something so personal. It sounds like your family’s way of handling emotions is very different from what you might need, and that can feel really isolating, especially after losing someone so dear. Grief is really personal, and it’s completely normal that your emotions are still raw even if others around you seem ‘fine.’ Feeling emotional, unfocused, and unmotivated is actually a very natural part of grief, even if it’s not openly acknowledged by others.
Just because your family doesn’t talk about feelings doesn’t mean you have to go through this alone. Giving yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling without judging yourself can actually help a lot. The fact that you’re noticing your emotions and reaching out shows a lot of strength and that you really care about processing your grief in your own way.
Sometimes, creating small ways to process your grief can help. You could try talking to a friend or someone you trust who can listen without judgement. Journaling about your feelings or memories of your relative may also be helpful. And when motivation feels low, breaking tasks into small, manageable steps can make things feel a little lighter.
Remember to be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to rush through your grief, and it’s okay to take each day as it comes, okie? You are seen, your feelings matter, and you deserve care and compassion as you navigate this difficult time 
Hey @user6346 ,
Thank you for sharing something so personal. I’m sorry to hear about your recent loss. Losing someone close certainly isn’t easy. Grief is a natural response that we all face when losing someone close, and how we process it differs from each other. Feeling emotional, unmotivated, tired and confused is understandable and normal.
It sounds like your family’s way of processing emotions in general, especially difficult ones, is something that is unhelpful for your current situation. But that doesn’t mean that you should keep it to yourself or avoid it. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling in your own way that is helpful to you. For example, maybe you could try talking to someone about it, like a trusted friend or adult. You could also try journaling or listening to music as an outlet to express your feelings. Lastly. be kind to yourself in the process. There is no need to rush through it. Give yourself time to process these feelings and accept them.
Remember that your feelings matter, and you deserve care and compassion 
Hey @caringbee Thank you for the reply. What you said is so relatable to me. Is there any counsellor details that I could contact. That would be helpful.
Hey @ScribblingSunflower,
Thank you for taking the time to read and sharing with me. Yes, it gets lonely when I feel like I’m not supported. But I’m learning to be kinder and trying out swimming.
Hi @user6346! Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing more about your grief 
Grief is not something easy to deal with and is definitely a process with many ups and downs. I hope that you are able to give yourself the space and time to process these emotions. As for your family and the lack of deep conversations - I hear you! I think this is very common in Asian societies especially, where many hard conversations are often swept under the carpet because we are uncomfortable speaking about difficult topics, like death. Despite seeming like they are fine, it is likely that they are affected by it too - perhaps they are choosing not to express this in an effort to suppress their emotions and not let it affect them? Either way, you deserve to speak to someone and process your grief in a way that works for you. I saw one of your replies seeking counsellors, here are some resources for you:
• SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1-767
• SOS 24-hour WhatsApp Chat: 9151 1767
• IMH 24-hour Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222
• mindline.sg 24-hour Helpline: 6389-2222
• mindline.sg 24-hour Online Chat: Find Free Mental Health Awareness & Wellness Resources in Singapore | mindline.sg