I tried to shun my own mom for making me fat. So that I can keep my job and sanity. I don’t have enough cash and savings yet to move out by myself … In the meantime, could you please advise me on what to do, and how to cope, if the food attack comes back again?
Hey @user7096
It sounded like you believe that your mum is forcing you to be fat? And that if are become you fat, your job and sanity will be affected? When you are comfortable, can you share more details?
What you mentioned about trying to shun her, it’s as if she is sabotaging your plan?
Yes… you are right… if I become fat, I would lose my job… and I would also be back to some food eating disorder again… I tried to shun again as in I tried to be away from home as much as possible… for example, going to gym for a long time, and not eating together with her at the same dining table.. but because I used to have a history of anorexia, she will leverage based on that fact, and keep on force feeding me whenever an opportunities arises… but my anorexia history was way long ago, and I have recovered from that… but right now, because of this food attack incident, I do feel angrier most of the times, and I will begin to stuff more food into myself… just to prevent other people from thinking I have anorexia… is this normal
Hey @user7096,
What you just mentioned about “If I become fat, I would lose my job… and I would also be back to some food eating disorder again” shows that your fear and survival have gotten tangled up with food again. I can understand you’re angry; your body feels like it’s back under watch from every direction; work, family, even your own thoughts.
When you said you start stuffing more food into yourself just to stop others from thinking you’re anorexic, that’s trying to protect yourself from shame, it’s a defence mechanism. But over time, that defence can hurt the same body it’s trying to prove is “okay.”
What’s happening is about the old wound being poked by control and fear. Your mom’s force-feeding likely comes from her terror of losing you to that past illness but it crosses your boundary, and your anger is your body’s alarm saying “enough.” Perhaps, it’s what you think and feel that’s driving the “need” to justify your love-hate with food.. Something to ponder?