Friendship issue

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Recently i had gotten sick and didnt go to school on thurday and friday so whenever i noticed that my best friend (ill refer her as “xn” was back from school, i would ask her what did i miss out / what’s the homework i missed out? She’d say theres nothing i missed out on. Fast forward to Monday. While i was walking to school with xn, she asked me if i did the homework for CCE and that our form teacher had extended the deadline to friday… But it was Monday. Obviously i hadn’t done it and i felt quite irritated but i just let it slide. Later during english, my english teacher told us to take out the homework that was given, and if we didnt do it, we had to write lines and submit it on the same day. I initially panicked but my seatmate noticed xn had my homework still with her and that xn did not pass the homework to me while i was sick. I dont know what got over me but i scolded her for not remembering to give me my homework even after my reminders and texts, and for some strange reason she started crying?? I don’t know why i felt really annoyed, irritated and disdainful towards her instead of being empathetic, or whatever people feel when they see someone cry.

After a day of that incident, my school had organized a learning journey. Of course, i was parters with xn. During the learning journey we had this group discussion and we had to come up to the front to present what we had, and with a surprising coincidence, xn got chosen to present. The entire time while we watched other groups present, she was shaking her leg, and kept repetedly saying that she was “so scared” and looked like she was about to cry again. At the time, i really thought “not again…” Instead of comforting her.

The entire learning journey was like a roller coaster for my emotions, i was joking around, laughing, irritated, annoyed to the point i was rude to xn.

I want to keep this friendship but each time i try to open up to her about it i get reminded of that incident and makes me end up not being able to say anything. What do i do?

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@user8016 , the situation you’ve described sounds really frustrating, and it makes sense that you felt the way you did. You were sick plus you reached out multiple times asking what you missed, and she had your homework the whole time without telling you or passing it to you. That’s not a small thing, you nearly got punished for it. :frowning: The irritation you felt wasn’t irrational or mean, it was a pretty natural response to feeling let down by someone you trusted, especially when you had done your part by asking.

That said, it sounds like you’re also a bit unsettled by how you reacted. The disdain, annoyance when she cried, rudeness during the learning journey. It’s worth asking yourself, before this homework incident, had there been other moments where xn did something similar, or where you noticed yourself feeling this kind of irritation towards her? Sometimes one incident feels so charged because it’s actually the tipping point of smaller frustrations that had been building up quietly. If that’s the case, it might help to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface before you try to have a conversation with her.

And speaking of that conversation, you mentioned that every time you try to open up to her, the memory of the incident pulls you back and you end up saying nothing. What does that actually look like when it happens? Like, do you get close to bringing it up and then change the subject, or does something about her reaction (or the anticipation of it) make you hold back? Understanding what’s stopping you might be the key to figuring out how to actually get the words out.