recently been feeling really angry for no reason or just straight up sad and ill spend like most of the free weekend days sleeping. Sometimes i wonder if this will ever end cause i know this sounds really like “lol they have no friends” type thing but i feel like i havent been able to make any close friendships and then recently it doesn’t even stand out to me anymore like im not sure if its cause im just getting used to the silence of everything and that how i dont really have someone consistently in my life. I guess i have friends but they just have other people they prefer to be with? I dunno but recently ive been angry and i realised over the 2 years of feeling like this i started texting really dryly like im not interested and i started to be real awkward with hugs and idk whats going on but everyone always says “it will get better” but it never does and frankly i just want this to end i think ive tried everything, caretext, confiding in someone i feel safe to nothing really helps imo
Hey @harmoniushedgehog,
Sounds like something that has been building in you over quite a long period rather than a few difficult days. You mentioned that over the past two years, you noticed changes in yourself too, sleeping through weekends, texting more dryly, feeling awkward with hugs, getting angry more easily, and feeling like you are not really acting like yourself anymore.
It sounds tiring to be dealing with sadness and anger for such a long time without feeling like things are changing. When someone has been feeling low or disconnected for a while, it can sometimes start affecting daily habits and the way they relate to people. Sleeping more, pulling back a little socially, or feeling less interested in interactions can happen gradually, which can make it harder to notice while it is happening.
The friendship part stood out too. It sounds like making close friendships has been difficult, and having friendships should not constantly feel like trying to figure out where you stand with people.
You mentioned “my friends have other people they prefer to be with.” I wonder if loneliness has been affecting you more than you initially realised. Sometimes when people go a long time without feeling close to someone consistently, they can slowly get used to being by themselves, even if it is not actually what they want.
You also wrote “I just want this to end.” I wanted to check on that part because it sounded important. When you said that, were you referring to wanting these feelings and this situation to stop?
You mentioned trying CareText and opening up to someone you trust, and it felt like it did not help much. That can be frustrating because it may start feeling like you are trying things but not really getting relief from them.
If you are comfortable sharing more, what do you think has been taking up most of your mind recently?
You also sound like you are trying to understand what friendship means for you. People can have different types of friends; classmates, activity friends, close friends, people we trust, people we spend more time with. Not everyone fits into the same space.
When you think about being a friend to someone else, what makes someone a friend to you?
No pressure to have an answer immediately.
hmm i think whenever i get sad i always think of how i actually really have no one to rely on and then i get even more sad and then idk what else to do so i just sleep it off i dont really know i haven’t been feeling much recently
i guess for a friend its like mutual support and we will actively interact and spend time with one another and like i would say hugs 2 years ago but now it lowkey depends and like i hope they seem happy to be with me and not cause they pity me for not having anyone else