Have a very bad panic breakout together while looking at a list of help providers while looking for help and resources. And in the list i see name of org that partially contributed to my truama.
i guess my psychiatrist is really right, my truama cannot be touched. But its a badly infected open wound now that anything that reminds me of the entire incident can cause unbearable psychological pain. Man…how am I still alive?
Hi @user1446,
That sounds like it hit you completely out of nowhere. You were doing something proactive, trying to find help, but it seemed to have backfired in some way.
The way you described it, a badly infected open wound where anything can trigger unbearable pain, that could be one way to describe how complex trauma can feel.
It makes sense that your psychiatrist is being careful about approaching it. That carefulness isn’t a dead end, it just means the work needs to be done very slowly and with the right support around it.
In the meantime if you feel like you need a listening ear for support for what you’re experiencing, feel free to reach out to National Mindline 1771 by calling 1771 or via WhatsApp 66691771 to speak to an anonymous counsellor.
Take care!
The worse part now is that i even lost my psychiatrist. The only professional i can trust after what had happened in 2020.
I pretty much go into a total withdrawal state, reducing my 8 medical appointments for various health issues to just 1.
Over the yrs, the lack of healthcare support cause my physical health to worsen.
Since 2001 when my first abuse happened in a hospital, i already very hesitate to sign the consent forms when seeking help at FSCs. But in 2020 when a one after another betrayed the trust i gave them days after my 2nd hospital abuse happens. I really cant get myself to sign the consent forms anymore. And without those forms i cant get help even if they are able to help. And the only way to get over this is with the help of the hospital MSW where my psychiatrist is. But the MSW is really of no help just trying to make her job easier, saying i can just walk in or call them to get help.
I guess professionals will ever know how much damage can a bullying from a healthcare worker does and how much damage can a ignorant and stubborn doctor can do. And how much damage can a social service professional do when they break the trust their client gave to them when they just to cover their own backside when their client speaks up and is in desperate need for help.
The punishment for seeking help is real painful. Sometimes i do wonder did i murdered the entire village to get such a punishment. I guess even Singapore’s death penalty doesn’t hurt as badly.
Hi @user1446,
What you’ve been through is real and being hurt by the very systems and people you turned to for help can be painful for indeed.
Despite all that has happened, I do encourage you to reach out to the relevant support you need alright?