Chronic Pain

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1

I’ve been in near-constant pain for the last few years, and it’s been getting worse. Nowadays, I can’t sit or lie down for more than half an hour without being in immense pain, so I can’t sleep well or focus on work.

It takes up so much of my energy that I can’t even take care of my basic needs anymore. I don’t have the energy left to find something to eat, nor much of an appetite, so I struggle to have one meal a day. The pain is so bad, I’ve also had to cut out activities I enjoy because my body can’t even handle basic strain anymore. Some days I’m completely bedridden because I’m dizzy and in so much pain that I can’t get out of bed.

I’m left feeling so weak and tired, but I have to pretend I’m fine because I really can’t go to the doctor. I grew up visiting so many doctors, and all of them were dismissive, criticised me, forced me to take treatments that didn’t work, and even hurt me physically and emotionally. My parents always supported the doctor’s point of view, even when their treatment didn’t work, and would add on to the doctor’s insults, and blame me for being ill or sick.

It’s bad to the point that they held me down screaming while a random doctor gave me a painful injection that never worked and hurt me for days. I can’t trust doctors anymore, because I’m so scared of getting hurt again, to the point I choose to live with excruciating pain every day rather than go to a doctor.

But I really can’t live like this anymore. I’m tired, scared, and in so much pain, and it’s hurting the people around me too. I just don’t know what to do. I need medical support, but how can I when every time I’ve seeked aid, I’ve just gotten hurt?

2

Hi @princess232,

From what you have just described, it sounds like you have been in pain for a long time, and that has been draining for you.

Being held down and dismissed sounds very distressing. What happened to you should not have happened, and it makes sense that you would now feel afraid of doctors. When care becomes painful or frightening, the body remembers that fear and tries to protect you by avoiding similar experiences.

I am concerned about your health. Living with constant pain and little rest is not something your body can manage for long. I believe your situation is genuine, and I can see that it has left you exhausted and unsure where to turn. You may also want to consider getting a second opinion, but only from someone who can go at your pace and explain what they are doing before any physical treatment begins. If it helps, you can start by speaking with a trauma-informed counsellor or a helpline such as Mindline (1771) to talk through your fears first.

Your pain is real, and your fear of being hurt again is understandable. Let us take this one step at a time and focus on helping your body feel safe enough to seek care again.