starting from the end of 2025, i’ve started becoming more painfully aware of my traumas, or rather events in my life that has influenced my responses and behaviours till today. and i’ve been very stressed out over that. i’m so painfully aware of why i feel this way, what i could or should do, but it’s so hard to actually do it. or sometimes i don’t even know how to move forward from being painfully aware. and i feel like it’s been taking a huge toll on me lately cause i’ve been feeling anxious almost every day because of the same issues and the same struggle of being painfully aware but not knowing what to do. i tried to seek out for counselling services so i can work this out but most of the places i reach out to always need some screening process that can take me months till i can talk to someone and i’ve reached (or at least nearing) my breaking point. i’m so tired of being anxious all the time.
Dear @hwaselli
Thank you for sharing what has been happening. I can sense the immense drain you are experiencing. I have observed that at times when we become“painfully aware” of trauma we went through, it hurts more initially but eventually I believe it will be less painful over time so please do not be discouraged. I believe our nervous system takes longer to reset from trauma compared to our awareness of it. Hence it can feel worse before it feels better. We may cognitively understand why we react the way we do but our body still needs time to catch up and lags behind insight.
It certainly makes sense that you feel anxious almost every day. Constant self-analysis is also exhausting. And waiting months for counselling when you’re near your breaking point is frustrating. You deserve support sooner. You may want to periodically check in case earlier slot becomes available.
For now though, do focus on stabilising yourself to improve your wellbeing. May I recommend the following:
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Limit rumination: give yourself a short “thinking window” each day. When thoughts spiral, tell yourself, “Not now.”
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Calm the body daily: slow breathing (longer exhale), cold water on wrists, short walks. Small but consistent.
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Lower the bar: you don’t need to move forward right now.It’s sufficient if you can take small steps today that help you manage the situation better even marginally.
If the anxiety becomes unbearable or you feel you may losing control, please reach out for urgent support (SOS 1767, 995 if in danger). You don’t have to wait for an appointment if you’re struggling now.
May I gently encourage you to take small steps daily towards your goal of healing from the trauma you experienced. Stay focused and celebrate small wins as you undergo this process.