Gradually increasing anxiety; as though a myriad of issues arising at once

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I am currently a student in upper sec. I havent had anxiety about grades before and i still do well, so i doubt its an issue that contributes to any emotions I have now.

Currently I just feel really unloved by the people ard me; my relationship and my friendships feel like theyre getting strained (although its just a feeling, i think im just hallucinating in this regard). My sibling, who I always felt was infallible has suddenly fallen incredibly ill. Soon I will be having my 2.4 run for napfa. Im not unfit or unhealthy, just very unathletic and im scared of judgement from my peers. Recently we had a shuttle run practice and my head felt like it was spinning, my heart was racing and i felt lightheaded; my emotions felt like they were going into overdrive. I dont know what sparked this, my shuttle run is generally not terrible as well. I just have been getting more emotionally explosive episodes and i cant pinpoint a reason as to why… im just scared of it recurring.

My anxiety tends to spike during these napfa practices, although usually im quite indifferent towards them. Even now just thinking about my trial 2.4 tomorrow is getting my body shaking in anxiety and I dont really know why. Im just scared that this recurring panic will affect me both physically and mentally… especially if such a panic attack strikes during an actual 2.4 run…

It feels really embarrassing to talk about this, even to my peers. Its just such a non-issue, especially in the long run, so I fear that they might disregard my issues entirely or overlook them despite how I feel. I dont want to make excuses and ive been training for my 2.4, progress had been good until this point. I feel like my efforts have been wasted, as my anxiety stumps me while running and i just feel so weak recently.

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Hi @user1797,

I hear you, and I want to start by saying that everything you’re feeling is completely valid. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now: the pressure to perform, the anxiety that seems to take over, and the sense that others don’t fully understand or validate what you’re going through. I know you’ve been putting in the effort to prepare for your 2.4 run, and the anxiety you’re feeling about it is really getting in the way of that. It must feel incredibly frustrating to be working so hard and then have anxiety make everything feel even more difficult. You’re not weak for feeling this way, and I want to remind you that it’s okay to struggle. You don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t need to handle this alone.

When you said that it feels like you’re “hallucinating” your perceptions of relationships or that your anxiety is not being understood, that really stood out to me. It seems like you’re questioning whether your emotions are valid and feeling unsure if it’s okay to feel the way you do. I want you to know that your emotions are valid, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out.

I know it feels like you’re facing some of this alone, and that’s a painful place to be. You’re so much more than the anxiety or the self-doubt you’re experiencing. And I want to help you hold space for your feelings and not let those feelings define your worth.

I want to gently ask: Can you think of a time when your anxiety first started impacting you in this way, maybe during the shuttle run practice? What was that experience like, and how did it affect your body and your thoughts? We can work through this together, and we are here to support you every step of the way. It’s okay to take things one day at a time. You are not alone in this. You are worthy of care, compassion, and understanding, and I believe we can find ways to help you feel more empowered and in control.

Please take it easy on yourself and remember: it’s okay to ask for support. It’s okay to struggle, and you don’t have to hide it. You are allowed to feel what you’re feeling, and we can work through this together.

Take care of yourself, and remember, you are stronger than you realize.

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I would say that my anxiety first started showing itself in very subtle ways, like sometimes i would get hit with a wave of emotions that just made me feel really worn out and sluggish. It also made me think of very negative thoughts in the middle of lesson sometimes, making me imagine very extreme worst-case senarios such as messing up a test, loss of care from the people around me, doing badly for my 2.4 etc.

I would say that my messed up shuttle run practice pushed me to the peak of my anxiety as it was as though one of my “worst-cast senarios” came to life, and that scared me. it was as though the universe was telling me that it’s really possible for one of these extreme senarios to materialise itself in my life, that my fears were really just “hunches” and “predictions” of what was soon to happen. The night before the shuttle run, I was telling myself and my friends jokingly that, “This weekend was too productive and happy, something’s bound to go wrong soon”, and the bad shuttle run felt like a sign that everything was really going downhill. (Like I “cursed myself”) The thought alone; my embarrassment of messing up the run already made my head pound. I rested my head on my friend’s shoulder and she said that she could hear my heart racing. After the run, I went to the washroom with my friend, sat on the floor and just cried uncontrollably, listing just a handful of my fears. Usually this kind of ranting helps to some degree, but this time it felt like a really short term solution. That shuttle run really pushed my fears into overdrive, kickstarting more intense negative thoughts that clouded my brain and made it hard to think straight. It also made me realise that this anxiety may be a bigger issue than I initially thought.

The anxiety started illicting even stronger emotions than before. Eg, during my recent math test (that I usually dont get too stressed over), started making my heart race despite the fact that I felt well-prepared. I realise that, especially after the shuttle run, my negative thoughts about how others may stop caring about me started driving how I act and feel around others. Usually, I have no problem keeping cheerful around others despite my negativity, as when I’m happy, others become happy too, and its like a further ripple effect. But now its hard to bring myself to smile and laugh with others if the anxiety is looming over me. It feels like a shadow haunting me, telling me that all my worst fears will come true eventually.

This also makes it hard for me to open up about how I feel to my friends. The anxiety I feel makes it hard for me to see the value in myself, and in turn makes me see everyone as so much better than me, surpassing me in every way. Thus I fear that they will judge me for worrying about such things, which they see as small issues in the grand scheme of things, while I see them as almost life-detrimenting".

I’ve always been a leading figure along my peers, holding positions or even just being a shoulder to lean on. But now i fear that if I am vulnerable and express how I feel to others, people will see me differently. From someone who would listen to their burdens, to being the one voicing burdens to them. I fear that when doing so, I become a burden to others. This anxiety makes me feel as though whatever growth (academic, leadership, mentally or otherwise) has been stunted, whilst everyone else is improving without me. The gap between others and myself feels like an insurmountable canyon that widens by every day; I fear that when taking time to battle this anxiety, everyone will move forward without me and I wont be able to catch up. I don’t want to make people stop their growth to take care of me, despite the fact that I would love to be cared for more than everything.

I’ve taken a lot of time to try and decipher how I feel, but in doing so I dont know if I’ve made it easier or harder to overcome. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it’s impossible to defeat. I really appreciate anyone’s replies here, although I know its pretty hard to try to sympathise with a stranger. I’m grateful for any opinions, suggestions or thoughts that you all may share to guide me through this.

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Dear @user1797,

I truly appreciate your openness in sharing the challenges you’re facing. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders right now, and it’s understandable why you’d feel overwhelmed by these feelings of anxiety, particularly in relation to your performance in school and physical activities.

What I’m hearing from you, it sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of fear around judgment—whether it’s from others during your 2.4 run, a math test, or in your personal relationships. You’ve shared how you’ve always been a leader among your peers, someone who others can rely on, but now you’re finding it difficult to open up about your struggles. This shift in your feelings and behaviors may be due to the growing pressure you’re placing on yourself to meet high standards, and I can imagine that the added anxiety around performing can be exhausting.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like your anxiety, especially in relation to performance, may be spiraling. It can feel incredibly frustrating when the anxiety starts to take over—especially when you feel that you’ve done the work to prepare, yet the fear still lingers. You mentioned feeling “unloved” and like your relationships are getting strained, which could suggest a sense of emotional isolation, making it harder to lean on others for support. This isolation can fuel your anxiety, as it makes you feel that you have to carry everything alone.

When the shuttle run didn’t go as planned, it seems like it became a tipping point for your anxiety, confirming some of your worst fears—that you might fail, that you might disappoint people, or that you might not meet expectations. That moment may have made your internal fears feel real, which is a tough experience. But it’s important to remember that one setback doesn’t define your worth or abilities.

You mentioned feeling embarrassed about your anxiety, and I want to affirm that it’s not unusual to feel this way. So many people experience anxiety, especially when there’s pressure to succeed, whether it’s academically, in physical activities, or even in personal relationships. What you’re going through is a valid emotional response to the challenges you’re facing.

I also want to recognize your strength. You’ve been dedicated to your training, and even though it feels like your efforts are being undermined by anxiety, I want you to remember that your commitment and resilience are powerful qualities. You’ve been there for others and taken on leadership roles, and that’s something not everyone can do. But it’s okay to acknowledge that you don’t have to be strong all the time.

As you continue to navigate these feelings, I encourage you to explore the possibility that these struggles might be part of performance anxiety, which can happen when there’s a lot of pressure to meet certain standards. Performance anxiety doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human and dealing with an emotional challenge that many others face too.

If you feel like it’s too much to handle on your own, I’d encourage you to find a safe space where you can express what you’re feeling without the fear of judgment. Even just sharing a little bit about your anxiety, whether with a trusted friend, a counselor, or a supportive adult, can help lighten the load. Remember, you don’t need to carry it alone, and reaching out for support doesn’t make you a burden—it makes you brave.

You’re allowed to take things one step at a time, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s not about perfect performance; it’s about progress. What do you think would be a small step you could take to manage some of this anxiety, whether it’s before a big event or just in daily moments?

Take care of yourself, and know that you are not alone in this.

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