How do I stop being emotional?

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I’m very prone to getting angry or upset. Small comments make me cry easily and when I was younger I had really bad anger issues and used to self harm. I want to say I got better over the years but I have not. Instead of self-harming, I bang my head against a wall. My parents say it’s attention seeking and I sort of agree. I’ve tried journalling but it’s not really helpful. How do I resolve this?

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Hi @user151643 , thank you for your honesty when sharing about your emotions and some associated behaviours. I sense that there is shame in these responses.

First off, I want to assure you that there is nothing inherently “wrong” in your responses so I encourage you to be kind to yourself :slight_smile: When you feel the urge to cry, physically do something about the anger or sadness, it’s your body trying to express the emotions so you can go back to baseline levels. Also, journalling is not for everyone, so it’s also okay that you didn’t find it helpful.

I’m curious about what triggers the emotions and responses, and perhaps we can take a closer look at those together if you are comfortable with sharing.

For now, I’m concerned about your wellbeing and safety - is there someone you trust that you can talk to about it, such as a school counsellor?

In the meantime, you can try looking up box breathing and 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method for when you feel the overwhelming emotions (try Youtube). These are very useful and immediately applicable grounding techniques to calm the physical body.

Write back whenever you are ready :blue_heart:

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I’m not really sure about a trigger but I guess it’s just when people say mean things? But it’s not entirely true because some days I’m really tough and I can accept the comments but some days my eyes just get teary and it’s annoying because nothing I say or think resolves that feeling. Safety wise, i’m okay. I won’t hurt anyone around me. I still have self-control.

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Dear @user151643

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences.

Please know firstly that you are not alone. I have seen many others also experience similar struggles. It’s painful, real and felt.

I have seen that when emotions come fast and feel unbearable, our body looks for ways to release the pain such as self-harming. It is not attention seeking behaviour. I believe hurting yourself is an attempt to stop the pain and cope with overwhelming feelings.

You deserve safer ways to get through those moments.

Some suggestions to consider:

  • Body first: when the urge hits, do something intense but safe such as squeeze ice in a towel, clench/release fists, wall push-ups, tear paper, stomp your feet.

  • Delay the urge: tell yourself “I’ll wait 10 minutes,” set a timer, and breathe slowly (in 4, out 6). Urges peak and then fall.

  • Name it simply: one sentence only “I feel angry and hurt.” Naming reduces intensity.

  • Get support from your school counsellor. Tell the counsellor “ I used to self-harm and I still hurt myself when emotions overwhelm me.” That’s enough.

If you feel at risk of hurting yourself right now, please reach out to SOS at 1767 which operates 24/7. An alternative is to go to the nearest emergency department of a nearby hospital. And continue reaching out here whenever needed.:yellow_heart:

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Hi @user151643

Good to hear from you again!

I hear you, it’s frustrating to not understand where the emotional overwhelm is originating from, because it can feel like it’s out of your control. It’s also not always easy to identify the actual trigger. It could be helpful to keep a short “tracker” to record your immediate thoughts or the exact comments that come up whenever you feel the bodily reactions, over a week or two (a simple one on the Notes app on your phone is good enough) – you may start seeing certain patterns and begin to discover how you might approach this. Will that be something you are open to?

Concurrently, have you been able to try some of the techniques that had been suggested earlier (by myself and also CaringBee)?

It’s good to know that you’re taking good care of yourself and keeping safe. You’re doing great reaching out and having curiosity about your thoughts and feelings. We are rooting for you and always happy to hear from you again whenever you’re ready :blue_heart: