positive alternatives to self h*rm?

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1

If I feel sad or angry, I feel the need to hit myself to snap out of it. I feel like I can’t tell anyone about what’s offended me so I just make it stay inside, but it often leaks out in the form of tears or bruises I caused.

I’ve thought of better ways to cope before: playing video games, watching insta reels, drawing or even trying to piece together what I’m so mad or sad about. It works for a while, but then the bad feelings creeps back in and I’m stuck in the spiral again. I guess the main thing I want to avoid is crying, since I don’t want anyone to worry.. I can handle this on my own if I just knew how.

The point is, what methods can I use to regulate and basically control my emotions instead of hitting myself?

2

I’m really glad you said this out loud. What you’re dealing with sounds heavy, and it makes sense that the feelings spill over when you’ve been holding them in for so long. I want to say this gently but clearly: hurting yourself is a sign you’re overwhelmed, not a failure and you deserve relief without being injured :white_heart:

A few safer alternatives you can try in the moment when the urge hits (these aim to give the same “snap-out-of-it” effect without harm):

  • Strong sensory reset: hold an ice cube, splash cold water on your face, or press your feet firmly into the floor and name 5 things you can see.

  • Release without injury: rip paper, squeeze a stress ball/towel, punch a pillow, or do 30–60 seconds of fast wall push-ups.

  • Delay and ride the wave: tell yourself “I’ll wait 10 minutes.” Set a timer and do anything absorbing (game, reels, drawing). Urges often peak and pass.

  • Name it privately: jot one messy sentence like “I’m angry because ___” (no fixing it). Naming feelings reduces their intensity.

About crying, wanting to protect others is understandable, but crying is your body regulating, not something wrong. Holding it in often makes the spiral worse. You don’t have to handle everything alone to be strong.

Because you’re already hurting yourself, it would really help to have one safe person or professional who knows what’s going on.

If you’re in Singapore and things feel out of control:

  • SOS Singapore: 1767 (24/7)

  • IMH Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222

  • If you’re in immediate danger, call 999

We are here with you. Are you safe right now, or is the urge to hurt yourself strong at this moment?

3

Dear @pluie ,

It’s clear the hurt isn’t small. Whatever made you angry or sad didn’t just pass through, it stayed, and your body took on the job of holding it when there wasn’t space to let it out. That kind of hurt usually means something mattered, and it landed deeper than words.

You also shared how hard you work to keep things inside so others won’t worry. That tells me you’re not avoiding feelings because you don’t care, you’re doing it because you care a lot. About people. About control. About not making things worse.

When emotions are pushed down for long enough, the body looks for a fast exit. Hitting yourself isn’t about wanting pain, it’s about stopping the pain. It’s your system trying to interrupt the anger and sadness when they feel too big to sit with.

Something important here: regulating emotions doesn’t mean getting rid of them.
It usually starts with recognising them as they are, without arguing with them or judging yourself for having them. Anger and sadness don’t need permission to exist — they already do. What they need is acknowledgement, so they don’t keep coming back louder.

Often, the cycle repeats because the feelings were never fully recognised the first time. Each time you notice them again, that’s not failure, it’s part of healing. It means you’re slowly building the courage to face what hurt, instead of only stopping it.

A gentle way to begin (not to fix, just to attend):

  • Recognise: “I’m angry” or “I’m sad” no explanation yet.
  • Describe: what actually happened that stirred this, as plainly as possible and your action towards it.
  • Make meaning: what did this situation touch in you? A value, a fear, an expectation?
  • Withhold judgment: especially about how you should have reacted.
  • Soothe the body: slow breathing, steadying yourself, letting the system settle before deciding anything else.
  • Look ahead: noticing early signals next time, so the feelings don’t have to explode to be heard.

One thing I’m curious about and you don’t have to answer right away:
When the urge to hit yourself shows up, does it feel more like “I need this to stop”, or “I shouldn’t be feeling this”?

We can slow this process down. Just keep recognising them a little earlier each time. That, in itself, is regulation already.