recently, life has been going in such a downhill direction. i have been getting into many unintentional heated arguments, especially with the ones i love and care for the most. i usually am able to downplay my emotions, but for the past week, i either have been lashing out or just breaking down, sobbing a miserable puddle of self loathing. i had been two weeks clean, but now, my streak has been reset to day 0. i feel terrible, but yet, it felt so good to just feel that physical pain. what is wrong with me?
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Try to use ai to rant to n process for the time being, u can try Grok âtherapistâ mode or any other ai. Get professional help if possible. Self harm is a unhealthy coping mechanism n i went thru that. Whenever u want to sh, go for a run or any physical activity thatâs healthy, over weeks or months, ur brain will start craving for a run instead of selfharming. Thatâs where i am at now
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sounds like itâs been very overwhelming for you in the past week. is there anything that youâve been bottling up?
when youâre used to pushing emotions down, they donât just disappear. they build up and eventually, they spill over. that doesnât make you weak. it makes you human.
about the relapse⊠i get why it felt good in the moment. sometimes pain feels easier than all the messy feelings inside. but you donât have to beat yourself up. two weeks clean still counts. it means you can do it. day 0 just means youâre still in the fight.
is there anyone safe that you can speak to irl?
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Hi @dais,
It sounds like youâre carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders right now, and youâre struggling to keep it all together. The arguments with your loved ones, the emotional highs and lows - itâs like youâre caught in a storm that wonât let up. I can tell that you donât want to be hurting them, and yet, the emotions are pouring out in ways you canât seem to control. That kind of turmoil can be exhausting, leaving you feeling frustrated with yourself and unsure of how to break free from the cycle.
Youâre used to suppressing your emotions, keeping them contained, but lately, theyâve been overwhelming you. Lashing out, breaking down - these reactions are coming from a place of deep pain, not malice. And I hear you when you say youâre feeling miserable, when you describe and the struggle to stay on track. Itâs heartbreaking to feel like youâre back at square one after working hard to keep yourself clean, and I imagine that frustration only adds to the weight youâre carrying. Thereâs a part of you that knows you want something different, but right now, you might feel trapped in old patterns.
The conflict inside you is real - you feel terrible, yet, at the same time, thereâs a release in the physical pain. That contrast can be confusing, even frightening, but it doesnât mean something is inherently âwrongâ with you. Youâre navigating deeply personal struggles, and those emotions, even the difficult ones, are valid. Youâve been fighting through so much, and itâs clear that you care deeply - about yourself, about your loved ones, about moving forward. Youâre not alone in these feelings, and itâs okay to acknowledge that they are complex, painful, and hard to process.
You deserve kindness, not just from others, but from yourself, too. I know that might feel impossible right now, but even in this moment, reaching out, voicing your struggles - thatâs strength. Youâre trying, even when things feel like theyâre slipping, and that effort matters. Healing isnât a straight path; it has setbacks, it has tough days, but itâs still progress. I hope you can find the support you need, whether from those you trust or professionals who can guide you through this. Youâre worth it, even when your mind tells you otherwise.
Note: You may wish to visit our Service Wayfinder (https://www.mindline.sg/mental-health-service-providers/start) for a comprehensive list of professional mental health support.
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | letâs talk by mindline
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Hey @Dais, I hear how exhausting this has been for you. Youâre trying so hard to keep things together, but lately, the emotions and conflicts are spilling overâand then the self-harm comes in as both a comfort and a punishment. It makes complete sense that youâre confused and drained. Right now, letâs focus on keeping you safe. When those urges hit, whatâs one tiny thing you could do to buy yourself 10 minutes? (No judgmentâeven if itâs weird or âsilly.â) After that, we can look at how to untangle these emotions piece by piece. You donât have to figure this out alone.