How do I cope with my life and past when I am turning 20 next year and yet has never accomplish anything in my life at all? It feel like I had missed out a lot on things and I also have a lot of regrets and grief regarding my past and I feel that I can’t do the things I wanted to do anymore, now that I am almost 20. I’ve spent my teenage years being afraid and processing my childhood life(aged 4 to 12) that was full of not being accepted and being lonely in kindergarten and primary school and alot of other things that I’ve went through then but now those stuff stopped hurting me as much as they used to do and only when I was 18 did I started processing my teenage years(aged 13 to now) and all that I went through and it hurts how much I wanted to go back to my past and redo all the wrong that I’ve done
Hi @Wira
Thank you for sharing with us your thoughts and for being so vulnerable here with us on this platform. I can sense how remorseful you feel when you think about how much of your life has passed by and you still feel like you have not achieved anything great. It sounds like you had a difficult time growing up and I can imagine how painful it was for you to think about your life. I empathise with you, your feelings are all valid and anyone else in your place would feel the same too.
I would like us to take some time to process this together through reflection. If you have time, I encourage you to think about these:
- Can you identify any patterns in your thoughts or behaviors that you’d like to change or understand better?
- What does “achievement” mean to you? How do you define what is it?
In the meantime, I would like to also encourage you with these suggestions:
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Practice self-compassion: Please do treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Be gentle with yourself when facing your stressors and difficulties, it is truly a delicate moment.
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Positive Statements: I also encourage you to speak positively to yourself, and challenge your negative thoughts with positive statements. You can try this activity here for a start: Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg
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Journaling: Try writing down your thoughts and emotions can be a therapeutic way to process and make sense of your feelings. It can also help identify recurring patterns, or thoughts that are repeating.
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Mindfulness and relaxation techniques: I highly encourage you to try mindfulness meditation or deep breathing exercises to stay in the present moment and reduce stress and anxiety. These activities can be very helpful in regulating your emotions if it gets overwhelming for you.
Last but not least, I really encourage you to seek support and consider reaching out to a friend, or family member, or a mental health professional to discuss your feelings and process your thoughts together. When we connect with others, perhaps they can provide valuable insights and emotional support.
Let us know your thoughts and share with us what you did to help you cope better? Hear from you soon!
Perhaps a good way to think about it is that you can’t control your past, but you can control your future.
If you don’t start taking control to do things and shape the life you want, then what you said below will become true even when you’re 30, 40 or even 50.
In your 20s, you’ll have a lot of chances to “restart” your life - eg changing schools, going to work, dating, getting married. Each phase allows you to meet new people that don’t know about your past “failures”. It’s a good opportunity to craft your narrative and lead your life the way you want it to be.
Hey @Wira
Thanks for sharing how you’re currently feeling. I sense that you’re a very reflective person and you often look back to your past to see what could have been done better. While this is a good quality, I hope you can learn to do it in moderation so that you don’t let your present pass you by. Everyone has made mistakes in their past and I hope you know you’re not the only one. 
While we can’t redo all the wrongs in the past, the best that we can do is to take all the learnings from the past into the future, to try avoid making the same mistakes.
Some people say that 20s are the best time of their lives and I’m excited for you to enter this new life phase. While it is true that you might not be able to do some of the things that teenage-Wira wished to do in your 20s, there are still plenty that you can do in your 20s.
Perhaps it’s also time for you to try new things that you can only do while you’re in your 20s. Do you have a list of things that you want to do or accomplish? Maybe now is a good time to start planning for your 20s ahead of time. Would love to hear what are some of the things in your list! 
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Hey @Wira
Sorry if I’ve missed some of the replies that you sent in the last few days. Would love to hear what you had in mind if you don’t mind sharing! 
@indomiegoreng Hi sorry I wanted to reply to you but then I am someone who isn’t that good at technology thingy so I was figuring how to use this app to send replies and somehow it kept going haywire and deleting my replies:sweat_smile:
That’s good to hear @Wira
Work has been stressful lately but I’ve been coping better too! Let’s both try to make the best of our situation 
@indomiegoreng yeah lets both try to make the best out of our situations cause we can make it. Tho I hope that today will be a better day for you and oh don’t forget to drink enough water and eat your meals on time because no matter how busy life got, taking care of yourself is the most important